You and Your Teen Stepdaughter-Friends or Foe? My Story.

Emily and I in St. Michael's-2007

When I came to know my stepdaughter, I was only 32 and she was eight.  We made things fun.  We colored together, made cookies together, watched Garfield together and had a camp out in the back yard. Life was good.  I never knew she would grow up to be a wise, beautiful almost lady-woman.  She is now 17, just nine months shy of 18.  Her and I have had our share of problems let me tell you.  My twin daughters with my husband are now five and active little girls. One day they too will be turning 18 and I myself will miss the innocent days of old, playing with them in their playroom, coloring with markers, bedtime stories and ballet recitals.

Just now I am in my sweats as I write this, hoping to squeeze in a workout in my home gym located just off my husband's home office in the basement.  I've fed my kids breakfast, okay that's not true, my husband did that, made their lunch, and got them ready for dance class, gave them a snack and packed them in our life size mini van to shuffle them to dance and then to preschool (ate lunch in the car).  I'm exhausted-when I first met Emily and Jacob, they were eight and five, fun ages for me to explore with them.  I wasn't exhausted.  I didn't do any of the work-I often thought, I don't see what all the fuss is about-parenting is easy-just make them laugh and pack a lunch or two and your doing good............little did I know that my 13 year old stepdaughter would be moving in with us just a few years later...........and that's just the beginning of our journey together.

That move changed everything for me.  Everything.

The question I would ask yourself before your stepdaughter moves in with you or visits you regularly or just simply is in your life is this: Do you like and respect yourself?

1. If the answer is YES, then proceed to light reading material below-you'll find my story enlightening.  If the answer is NO, you need to read this.  If I only knew...............

Before my stepdaughter moved in with my husband and two year old twin daughters, I was a novice at parenting.  I was going through the motions-preparing wholesome baby food in the food processor, doing clean up and taking young tots to infant to toddler play time, library time.  We lived 6 hours away from our home in waterfront USA Annapolis, Maryland.  Life was about to become complicated.  Our rental home while my husband worked in Queens, NY was two hours away, across a couple of bridges, and off 1-84 in Pawling, NY.  We lived on 5 acres with the mountain lions and other beasts of the world.

Did I mention I had (2) two year old's at the time?  Let me tell you-the day my stepdaughter moved in with us at this juncture in my life absolutely placed me in a severe state of PANIC.  Have you felt panic before? I've felt it.  I know the sensation.  Not fun.  Heart pounding.  Rapid heart beat. Before an audition for example.  Dread.  This was much worse-think PANIC times a MILLION.

Back to the MOVE-in.  There was a spaghetti dinner.  My in laws brought her from Maryland to New York.  When she arrived, I exploded.  I'm sorry. There were tears and I brought the whole house down-I didn't mean to.  I was faced with the insurmountable pressure of raising a young girl who had left her mother and brother to come live with me.  I say me because my husband would be working in the city and I would be doing the raising.  This young woman would come with needs, not instructions per se but a need for love, emotional connectivity, and a sense of structure to her new-found life in New York.  She would be making friends at her new school, possibly bringing them back to our home (what would I do with all those teenagers!) and most of all this young woman would be going through her pubescence while I'm raising active twin toddlers!  I kept saying to myself, there is no way this is happening to me.  I think I said that for four straight years, possibly multiple times a month................believe me we all felt it.

I want to skip to NOW.  I'll get back to the middle and almost everything we went through later.  In church this past Sunday, while in service my 17 year old stepdaughter wrapped her arms around me and asked me "how did you like being a greeter?"  I was touched beyond words that this happened and my heart warmed without consent.  It was a moment of purity and self-revelation:  Emily actually does love me.

Was that what I really wanted all along?  Her love, her respect, her admiration.  I don't think it was.  But it did confirm for me that for the last four years, my step-parenting was working, even if it was part time.

Part time Parenting wasn't what I wanted-I didn't want full time either with her.  When she came to live with me in 2011, I simply felt that my plate was full.  I knew it was full to the brim. Overflowing if you will. If your wondering if I ever consented to her living with us, the answer is simply I felt I had no choice.  I played victim. Would I change anything?  I don't know. Probably not.

Being honest with yourself is life changing in every facet of life. If more of us had the courage and the stamina to take on more than we think our plate can handle, how much better would the world be, how much better would we become because of it.............by the way I'm still learning to like myself.  It's a process.

Emily and I in New York, 2012

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Making over a Kids Room/Bathroom-on a shoe-string ...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Making over a Kids Room/Bathroom-on a shoe-string ...: When it comes to living with two 5 years old's, life has to function and function happily.  Considering our daughters bathroom is small ...

Making over a Kids Room/Bathroom-on a shoe-string Budget!

When it comes to living with two 5 years old's, life has to function and function happily.  Considering our daughters bathroom is small for all four of us to brush hair, teeth and get the day started off right and closed off nicely, it was important to us that their bathroom be serene and I think we accomplished just that!  If your pondering a room make over for your child, it can be done and without too much pain or strain on you or your budget.  Really.

Before-yuck.

Builder-grade mirror-generic and a space hog-bye bye.

Let's START!

My starting ground: It got to the point where if I glimpsed at my kids bathroom, I would cringe.  Now that being said, I know how fortunate I am in just having a bathroom for them.  When I was my girls age, we shared a smallish bathroom with our parents and believe me we never thought we were poor or unfortunate or struggling financially.  We never knew any different.  Now kids today have four star bathrooms, completed to look like Pottery Barn catalog ads.  Seriously.

Can you imagine paying $40 for a bath towel?!?  (if you did, it's quite alright-I just wish I had your money) My parents and grandparents would blow through the roof if they thought I paid that much for a towel! Imagine (this is my friend/neighbor from NY-Nicolette and she always said this term and she's awesome, she's from the Bronx!)!!!!! I paid $5.99 each for the girls towels at IKEA.

FAMILY GOAL: 

1) Buy can of paint and let the inspiration roll from there!

I grabbed some samples from HD and almost knew without hesitation. Baby pink.  Ballet pink.  Soft pink. Pink it is.  They are girls.  The color before.  Gross aqua blue.  I don't know why I ever picked that color for my stepson but it had to go and go fast!  He visits every other weekend and now that he's older (14), we decided it was best that the girls use that bathroom and he can have the bathroom in the finished basement. Deal.

2) Coerce husband to paint the girls bathroom, pending I tape off the trim and walls.  Deal-deal.

I left for a friends daughters birthday party and when I came home (I think I headed to a park after that!) the bathroom was beautiful and delightfully PINK.  My hubby told me it took him 3 coats of paint and even more around the trim and harder to reach areas like the ceiling.  I'm sorry. It looks beautiful though honey.  You did an AMAZING JOB I tell him.

****Even though your paint comes with primer, just know that if your covering a darker paint, your labor will be longer.  It will require a few coats but the wait was worth it.......................

Ahhh.  I love grey and pink together.  My hubby's idea.  He's brilliant. 

Love the mirror.  We borrowed it from the foyer.  Oh well.

3) Buy bath towel hooks and towels at IKEA.  Reasonable.  Hang up with ballet pictures from Goodwill.  Lucky.

I'm a happy Mom now.  For now anyway.  I did want a new sink but that would cut into the budget and our time and because we don't know how long we'll be here, we thought "another time."  For now, it's a sweet, beautiful and cost effective bathroom that suits our lifestyle, budget and our pleasant little pea pods.  When I look around and see how independent they are, I'm reminded at how fortunate we all are.  We live here in America where if you want to redecorate during any time of the day, you can.  It's up to you.  How do you spend your time, what makes you feel good, how do you help others?  What completes you?

Think about it.  Write it down.  By the way, on New Years Eve 2014 I decided to go back to college to get my long awaited Interior Design degree-in Manhattan with one exception-I get to study on line from the privacy of my own lovely home.  Happy now.  Off to help my husband make dinner.  Love to all.

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Craft Gift Bags for pre-k kids, ribbon, glitter, a...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Craft Gift Bags for pre-k kids, ribbon, glitter, a...: Pretty and fun! I don't often toot my own horn, but if I ever want to blog for Better Homes & Gardens I need to get blogging a...

Craft Gift Bags for pre-k kids, ribbon, glitter, and handcrafted ornaments!

Pretty and fun!

I don't often toot my own horn, but if I ever want to blog for Better Homes & Gardens I need to get blogging about how crafty and artistic I am.  Have you seen my refurnished furniture?  My husband is pretty good at it too.

For the girls' preschool presents this year I decided to go all out.....there are no real step-by-step pictures but I promise you the finished product tells all!

Here is a play by play of their friends and teachers gift bags, all courtesy of the craft super store Michael's (which is awesome by-the-way)!

1) Purchased gift bags in bunches of 13, inexpensive adorable wooden ornaments, holiday pencils and bag stuffers!

Already have white paint, glitter, and letter stickers to adorn the ornaments with!

I'm ready to get crafting!  Be patient with yourself and if time allows when finished, have a nice glass of holiday cheer with your spouse!

Just before I begin, when I start a project, I easily become obsessed.  It's important not to go overboard because keep in mind these are kids and they will receive presents from everyone and their families so I want to make it memorable on my end!

I love gift tags so I embellish where necessary so buying a small roll of holiday ribbon at Target for $1.00 should keep these kiddie gift bags under budget!

2) Get your kids ready to paint the ornaments with white paint, brushes, and smocks.  Make sure your kiddies aren't hungry or thirsty before they start this project!  Snack them first.

3) Gently shake glitter on top of ornaments and let dry for 20 minutes.  I use an aluminum pan to capture extra glitter!

This can get messy!

4) Hot glue Letter stickers (kids this is a no-no I'm sorry) in the middle of wooden picture frame ornaments. Oh did I leave that out?  These ornaments are shaped like mirror frames!!  So pretty!

Use what you have!

5) Tie ornaments with pretty holiday ribbon onto holiday gift bags and stuff with prizes!!!  I chose puzzles (my kids were not allowed to pick stuffers for the simple fact that they would of picked large sized stuffed animals to put in bags and other large items like Mermaid Barbie dolls, so I chose mini puzzles of 50 pieces!)
Puzzles are great gift ideas five year olds and I keep them handy in my purse and take them out at doctors offices so that my kids don't touch other items in the office that may or may not be awash with bacteria!

Happy Crafting!

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Saturday Night Live's Performances and Motherhood

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Saturday Night Live's Performances and Motherhood: Remember the days when you turned on Saturday Night Live and you just new with 100% certainty you were getting a solid product. Now my hu...

Saturday Night Live's Performances and Motherhood

Remember the days when you turned on Saturday Night Live and you just new with 100% certainty you were getting a solid product. Now my husband and I who are avid SNL viewers are not so sure.  I turn it on and hope the host doesn't flub up.  It's tough because I know just a little bit about acting and it's not easy.........

There are nerves, the audience can affect a performance, and ultimately if you haven't slept the night before, you better hope your brain catches up and gets those critical lines delivered! The last time I was pregnant with twins, I was on stage and the one thing the stage manager told me was don't trip.  Nice.

If there is one thing about Saturday Night Live that hasn't changed is the love all the actors seem to share after a performance, love. They all hug, high five each other and what I hear is party until the wee hours.  I myself would get invited to the after parties at Colonial Players and just think, I can't do that....I have to sleep!!!!!!  Would I be able to turn down SNL cast parties? I don't think so!

These actors on SNL come back week after week and deliver performances that always surprise, the problem is they don't knock my socks off.  When Will Ferrell was on the show, you just knew it was going to be special-it was going to be hilarious, it was going to go there. Taran Killam has that ability and delivers insightful performances, ones that are certainly memorable (Brad Pitt impression, funny). 

In recent weeks, take the Charles Manson skit performed by Mr. Killam, albeit the subject itself, it was distasteful and we'll it just fell flat for me.  It's obvious my opinion doesn't count, but I do know funny stuff and that wasn't it-that Charles guy took peoples lives-horrible. Those promo videos Taran participates in are hilarious so having those extra takes and cuts gives actors a lot of freedom.

Performing live is a crap shoot.  You can have hit nights and you can have bummer nights. I too also experience this in motherhood-my problem is that I like to turn on Saturday Night Live after a long day of motherhood and see the hit nights and laugh hysterically. It makes me forget about my lost moments in mommyland, times where I should of, could of, didn't.

Jim Carrey was the host on October 26th and I expected an amazing night but sadly I was left disappointed, although the video shot of him impersonating Matthew McConaughey in that Lincoln commercial was a gut-buster!  Carrey sounded like Matthew, had his nuances down-pat and Patrick and I fell over in the bed laughing hysterically!! He has no reservations.  He just goes there.

My suggestions are sorta like this,

1) Bring back the old players as a favor and ask them to give acting lessons to the current players like a Saturday Night Live 101 for novices because the cue card reading is very distracting.

2) Even in community theater we didn't have cue cards and we weren't paid.  I know it's hard but if you have lines to remember it's good to stay inside and practice, practice, practice.

Kenan Thompson is SOLID but writers could give him better opportunities and better one-liners.  Tracy Morgan had this opportunity when he portrayed Brian Fellows.  Those skits were insane.  My sister-in-law and my husband knock those lines out of the park-that's what I'm saying, when something sticks, you remember it and it makes you laugh time and time again.  You can actually make your family members who don't laugh often, laugh hard (even I can do this) when you retell these silly skits.

Listen, I'm hopeful for the Christmas show.  I hope SNL cast members knock it out of the park (I keep saying that a lot don't I?) because I certainly couldn't go on stage like they do without a serious mixture of Red Bull and vodka, my liquid courage.  I'm ashamed to say that...............oh well.  

So on with the show.............but can Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd come back for the holiday show.........please?!!

At 30 Rock. We still Love you SNL!