The Sweetly Decorated Life: Staying Conscious in your Marriage-The First Part

A tiny dance floor.....

This is my second time around in married life so being "present" was very important to me. I had an acupuncturist friend who once told me that being conscious in your marriage was more important than any other factor, more important than romance, more important than your kids, everything. Fran knew what she was talking about. I just didn't get what she was saying so she put me in touch with a number of books on the subject and then once my appointment was over, I jumped right into the "conscious seeking" world.

To be honest it overwhelmed me but why I started this blog is to point out that life can be sweet, that it is sweet, but the road for me to get to this "sweetly decorated life" was going to take some work and it did. I'm 41 and I did the work-I sought the self help books, saw the therapists, participated in Re-birthing, took love and marriage seminars in Orlando (yes Orlando!) and managed to at this point come out "sweetly happy".
A Sweetly Decorated Life is more than my love of decorating, ornamental stuff or things I love, it's the life we can all love. (I want to point out that I do have Christian faith). :)

I'm here to talk about things that we can discuss and dream about. It's also about our relationships and sharing. I'll always revisit the aim of my blog and my goal is for you to walk away inspired.........

When I got married in 2012 it was impromptu, without a lot of planning, and in the backyard of the home we were renting in Pawling, New York. There was a massive thunderstorm waiting in the wings that hot August evening and it released it's force after we were married. After I gave my new husband grief that our wedding was ruined by the wine spilled on my dress, the drunk people who arrived late and the wet, wet rain that spoiled the music player and any chance of us dancing on that expensive dance floor we rented, I still didn't feel better! I now laugh at what happened as it reminds me that life and marriage ARE NOT PERFECT in any way; life is sweetened by the people in it. There were plenty of good things that happened before and after my wedding that I now choose my brain to focus on: Aunt Janet and I hunting for flowers in the brush to use in my bouquet, the doves that showed up while Patrick and I were having coffee the day before our wedding, the friends who drove from North Carolina to come to my wedding, my 3 year old daughter during our vows who exclaimed, "Mommy I love you!" and the family and friends falling to mush.

Now it's time to be conscious in your marriage. Gone are the days where couples sit idly by and watch the world pass right by them. Gone are the days where the only spouse in the house who worked was the husband and the wife stayed home and raised all six kids (this was my Grandparents!). Now we have so much going on, very busy schedules to maintain and let us not forget, our Facebook accounts (I digress). There is much more to maintain but we MUST and should look at our love partners and be kind.

What do I mean by that? It's fully loaded. Being aware and being present of your partners' needs, wants and desires in life and most importantly being present in your life. We sometimes get so caught up in work, life, hobbies, and stress that we loose ourselves, what we want and who we are. We often loose ourselves in our partners needs, loosing that fine balance that conscious loving requires and that's the neat thing about this equation: being conscious in your marriage means YOU DON'T NEGLECT YOU. Your present and also aware of your needs, your wants and your desires and somehow both of you need to meet in the middle. My current acupuncturist is quite versed on these concepts and practices as she's on her second marriage, she's happy and she brought three girls into the union.

My reading recommendations on this subject were and are by ironically similar last names: