The Sweetly Decorated Life: Craft Gift Bags for pre-k kids, ribbon, glitter, a...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Craft Gift Bags for pre-k kids, ribbon, glitter, a...: Pretty and fun! I don't often toot my own horn, but if I ever want to blog for Better Homes & Gardens I need to get blogging a...

Craft Gift Bags for pre-k kids, ribbon, glitter, and handcrafted ornaments!

Pretty and fun!

I don't often toot my own horn, but if I ever want to blog for Better Homes & Gardens I need to get blogging about how crafty and artistic I am.  Have you seen my refurnished furniture?  My husband is pretty good at it too.

For the girls' preschool presents this year I decided to go all out.....there are no real step-by-step pictures but I promise you the finished product tells all!

Here is a play by play of their friends and teachers gift bags, all courtesy of the craft super store Michael's (which is awesome by-the-way)!

1) Purchased gift bags in bunches of 13, inexpensive adorable wooden ornaments, holiday pencils and bag stuffers!

Already have white paint, glitter, and letter stickers to adorn the ornaments with!

I'm ready to get crafting!  Be patient with yourself and if time allows when finished, have a nice glass of holiday cheer with your spouse!

Just before I begin, when I start a project, I easily become obsessed.  It's important not to go overboard because keep in mind these are kids and they will receive presents from everyone and their families so I want to make it memorable on my end!

I love gift tags so I embellish where necessary so buying a small roll of holiday ribbon at Target for $1.00 should keep these kiddie gift bags under budget!

2) Get your kids ready to paint the ornaments with white paint, brushes, and smocks.  Make sure your kiddies aren't hungry or thirsty before they start this project!  Snack them first.

3) Gently shake glitter on top of ornaments and let dry for 20 minutes.  I use an aluminum pan to capture extra glitter!

This can get messy!

4) Hot glue Letter stickers (kids this is a no-no I'm sorry) in the middle of wooden picture frame ornaments. Oh did I leave that out?  These ornaments are shaped like mirror frames!!  So pretty!

Use what you have!

5) Tie ornaments with pretty holiday ribbon onto holiday gift bags and stuff with prizes!!!  I chose puzzles (my kids were not allowed to pick stuffers for the simple fact that they would of picked large sized stuffed animals to put in bags and other large items like Mermaid Barbie dolls, so I chose mini puzzles of 50 pieces!)
Puzzles are great gift ideas five year olds and I keep them handy in my purse and take them out at doctors offices so that my kids don't touch other items in the office that may or may not be awash with bacteria!

Happy Crafting!

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Saturday Night Live's Performances and Motherhood

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Saturday Night Live's Performances and Motherhood: Remember the days when you turned on Saturday Night Live and you just new with 100% certainty you were getting a solid product. Now my hu...

Saturday Night Live's Performances and Motherhood

Remember the days when you turned on Saturday Night Live and you just new with 100% certainty you were getting a solid product. Now my husband and I who are avid SNL viewers are not so sure.  I turn it on and hope the host doesn't flub up.  It's tough because I know just a little bit about acting and it's not easy.........

There are nerves, the audience can affect a performance, and ultimately if you haven't slept the night before, you better hope your brain catches up and gets those critical lines delivered! The last time I was pregnant with twins, I was on stage and the one thing the stage manager told me was don't trip.  Nice.

If there is one thing about Saturday Night Live that hasn't changed is the love all the actors seem to share after a performance, love. They all hug, high five each other and what I hear is party until the wee hours.  I myself would get invited to the after parties at Colonial Players and just think, I can't do that....I have to sleep!!!!!!  Would I be able to turn down SNL cast parties? I don't think so!

These actors on SNL come back week after week and deliver performances that always surprise, the problem is they don't knock my socks off.  When Will Ferrell was on the show, you just knew it was going to be special-it was going to be hilarious, it was going to go there. Taran Killam has that ability and delivers insightful performances, ones that are certainly memorable (Brad Pitt impression, funny). 

In recent weeks, take the Charles Manson skit performed by Mr. Killam, albeit the subject itself, it was distasteful and we'll it just fell flat for me.  It's obvious my opinion doesn't count, but I do know funny stuff and that wasn't it-that Charles guy took peoples lives-horrible. Those promo videos Taran participates in are hilarious so having those extra takes and cuts gives actors a lot of freedom.

Performing live is a crap shoot.  You can have hit nights and you can have bummer nights. I too also experience this in motherhood-my problem is that I like to turn on Saturday Night Live after a long day of motherhood and see the hit nights and laugh hysterically. It makes me forget about my lost moments in mommyland, times where I should of, could of, didn't.

Jim Carrey was the host on October 26th and I expected an amazing night but sadly I was left disappointed, although the video shot of him impersonating Matthew McConaughey in that Lincoln commercial was a gut-buster!  Carrey sounded like Matthew, had his nuances down-pat and Patrick and I fell over in the bed laughing hysterically!! He has no reservations.  He just goes there.

My suggestions are sorta like this,

1) Bring back the old players as a favor and ask them to give acting lessons to the current players like a Saturday Night Live 101 for novices because the cue card reading is very distracting.

2) Even in community theater we didn't have cue cards and we weren't paid.  I know it's hard but if you have lines to remember it's good to stay inside and practice, practice, practice.

Kenan Thompson is SOLID but writers could give him better opportunities and better one-liners.  Tracy Morgan had this opportunity when he portrayed Brian Fellows.  Those skits were insane.  My sister-in-law and my husband knock those lines out of the park-that's what I'm saying, when something sticks, you remember it and it makes you laugh time and time again.  You can actually make your family members who don't laugh often, laugh hard (even I can do this) when you retell these silly skits.

Listen, I'm hopeful for the Christmas show.  I hope SNL cast members knock it out of the park (I keep saying that a lot don't I?) because I certainly couldn't go on stage like they do without a serious mixture of Red Bull and vodka, my liquid courage.  I'm ashamed to say that...............oh well.  

So on with the show.............but can Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd come back for the holiday show.........please?!!

At 30 Rock. We still Love you SNL!  

A NYC Tradition-the Tree at Rockefeller Center & Ice Skating-what are your Xmas Traditions?

Hanging on by a thread!

I love that each holiday we will be trekking up north with our twin daughters to see the lights and holiday action of New York City ! Why not I say?  My hubby loves Manhattan so we go there without fail and his idea is to take them every year to 30 Rock to see the big tree, ice skate, and get a hot dinner to top the night off.  My daughters love the city as well so that makes it somewhat easy but there are loads of others who with kids just can't make it work.  It's me who now takes it in stride after twenty years of failed auditions and sore feet (I nailed one though, still no agent!).  If you do find yourself lured by the bright lights and exciting life of Manhattan, with kids, you need these Five Essentials! (wine sold separately)

Here is my TOP FIVE MUST HAVE'S for Surviving NYC with your Kids 
1) A Double Stroller with storage-this politely moves people out of the way, (most times) and they think a baby is in there, it also doubles as storage for all your packages and coffee cups you no longer want to handle!
 
2) Warm Blankets.  If it's cold there, you will suffer.  The last trip we took the week before Christmas, we were without warm anything.  The weather was just right but should it show any signs of snow or wind, you gotta have face warmth!  Oh and you can fix your hair in any warm NYC restaurant bathroom. Wear a hat!
 
3) Bring Vitamin C Lollipops for the kids.  When you are browsing any store that has nothing to do with them, they will be slightly bored if not bored out of their minds. Lollipops keep them busy, no lollipop crushers allowed!!!  Make it last kiddos. (additional snacks are an excellent idea as well)
 
4) A GPS on your Smart Phone.  Most I Phones do so it's easy.  When we lost direction in finding our hot holiday meal, I was on the GPS app on my phone immediately and voila, I was at my Spot: Rosie O'Grady's on 52nd.  The parmesan crusted sole to die for! 
 
5) A Savvy Person who likes New York.  I'm lucky because my husband loves NYC and knows the areas fairly well.  He doesn't mind crowds and because he happens to be tall and strong, he gets through a crowd with ease.  If this is not your case, bring with you very confident people who are tall, don't mind hoards of people and like nightlife because this city isn't easy!  My kids happen to love it!
 
If none of that happens and you end up cold, tired and stressed from your New York City adventure or tree cutting extravaganza or any holiday party, don't worry it will be over in a month and you'll be wondering when the next party is............................
 
If you feel up to it, tell me about your holiday traditions outside of the house and how you survive with kids, what makes it special to you and what memories were made.......

The Non-Perfect Family and Holiday Drama

I always thought yes, I'm normal because my parents are divorced.  But no, it's just the opposite.  My husband and his parents, married for over 50 years, the couple across the street, the folks at church sitting in front of you, your neighbors down the street, they have all weathered the test of time.  They run half marathons, create perfect chocolate chip cookies, and pick up everything in one swoop under budget at Target!!  They stay married.  They seem perfect......

This is NOT my LIFE:  I come from a divorced family, not once but twice and I didn't think it hurt me in any seriously damaging way but it did-it really did. (by the way, I fail terribly at baking homemade chocolate chip cookies) Don't get me wrong, there are folks out there who have gotten married, stayed married and continue to live miserable lives.  I understand that.  I'm not talking about them or their amazing retirement accounts......I'm talking about the non perfect family-the one that hasn't found it's place yet in the big wide world of relationships.  You get by, you function but just barely.  You find yourself out of debt only to find yourself right back there, struggling to buy Christmas gifts, or the procrastinator family, the one that says sure I'll put up the Christmas lights one month early because I don't want to put it off, only to find yourself miserable in the process. The couple down the street wonders why did the McCoy family hang lights on Thanksgiving?!?

I come from a family of doers.  If we weren't out running a task or errand or wiping up from a meal, we were playing a game or heading outside for exercise-we rarely sat still.  It's always been very hard for me to sit still and just be.  My mind races about what I'm not doing but then I remember I was shifted from one parents house to the next on the weekends.  There was not a lot of time to just do nothing.  The holidays were super busy............visiting all the extended relatives, step-relative mr. or mrs. and anyone else in between that seemed to care!  Whew-my brother and I needed a vacation from the holidays when it was over.

Now in Annapolis life, my good friend Lindsey keeps me centered when my mind starts to race-her parents are divorced too (I hope she doesn't mind me sharing that).  Her daughter and my twin girls play like peas and carrots and I haven't seen her for close to two weeks and my smile just isn't as bright when she's not around.  I am attracted to happy and healthy people; they give me a boost so if it's a poopey day, I could go drift in and out of procrastination and that's where my non perfect family comes in.  My life feels chaotic and unruly, so Lord let it not be the holiday time of year.  It's okay, I'll manage I say, on with the blog.........

I come from divorce and I remarried someone with kids.  It's complicated and the holidays become even more so.  Can I procrastinate or ride away with my girls to find the closest shopping establishment?  As much as I love excitement and adventure, now that I have kids, I just want to stay home and enjoy them, play outside with them, watch a movie, color, explore their world but there is just so much more to talk about, lots more to work out.  I can't leave I say, there are issues to work out-other people's needs to address.

If we deny what's really going on in our households, how do we ever truly heal??  Are we being honest with ourselves and our families?

I was chatting with my mother and husband about a dramatic incident my 14 year old stepson just had with his mother and that's when I began to cry a little.  My stepchildren are living through what I went through thirty years ago.  I'm reliving it all over again and maybe I never healed.  I don't think any child wants to be from a divorced family-they have to accept that it's their fate.  My daughters have their mother and father together and they love it.  They love the idea of us. They are all about it.  They draw pictures about us, not anyone else.  We are their world.  I guess when my parents decided to end their 13 year marriage, a big part of my heart died with it.  We became the blemished family, the drama didn't stop there either.  My Dad and my stepmother (whom I grew close to) divorced after 20 years of marriage, severing any sort of relationship; a relationship where my stepmother actually mentally abused me, teased me, bullied me with no I'm sorry's at the end. I was never far from her daggers. It was her own drama.  I'm okay now-really.

Taking steps to heal in your life is what I'm doing.  I'm constantly reading, going to therapy workshops when I can and trying to accept the imperfect part of my "Country Living" magazine dream life.  The holidays often drum up old feelings of hurt, resentment, and family drama. Do they do that for you?  Share with me please.

I hope your holidays bring to you much meaning, hugs of warm love and a devotion to your family that you'll stay right where you are: committed, loyal and honest in your pursuit of happiness.  Everyone deserves that.

I want to put out there, my Holidays are too magical, sweet and special but it goes without saying, I share my pain with trusted adults, friends I can trust and with my husband who understands and empathizes with me. This makes the time that I hurt when I was younger much easier to bear.  My family or yours may never be perfect but we are in the pursuit of trying and what's so wrong with that?

The non-perfect photo

Keeping your Kids Active and Healthy this Winter and always

My girls recently had their 5 year health physical.  I wasn't looking forward to it.  The last time we went at 4 I just knew it was going to be a good report-hearing, vision, a little concerned, but overall my daughters are in good shape, literally and physically.  They have an amazing food palette and in New York we were outside almost every day, cold, rain, snow, whatever!

Since moving back to Maryland, we have become indoor people.  We love our home, it's cozy, it's got a finished basement with loads of movies to watch, some we haven't seen for many years, unopened packages screaming for my attention.  My husband and I garden, pull weeds, we've planted some privacy trees, but for the most part, we're either reading, preparing to cook, or running from one errand to another.  It's been one busy year for the McCoy family of West Annapolis, Maryland.

I like to think of myself as an active person but recently I had my health physical for the year.  After my exam, the nurse practitioner told me I looked healthy, I probably am but lets test your blood and look at the panel.  Let's also look at your magnesium level-are you eating enough leafy green stemey things?  Of course I am I told her. We'll lets see. My blood came back within two days and next to my cholesterol readings, it said a little elevated, exercise.  I'm smiling now because I most certainly have been exercising but here's the kicker:  3 days per week.  My husband: everyday.

More often than I am exercising, I am tiding up, cleaning, or putting a project together.  My latest, painting the powder room (and it needed it).  What can I think of next that needs to be done?  Am I ignoring my kids, the dog?  Does my little puppy need to be walked?  Yes she does and often it's just right out the door and down the street.  I bet she'd loved a walk by the beach............do I have time for that-NO.  I mean YES I do.

What I'm trying to say is that other activities in my life come first before EXERCISE.  I can't let that happen to my kids.  I don't want them to think it's not important, that I don't value their time and health or mine.  If I can change up every other day or couple of weeks what I'm doing and involve them for the betterment of their health and mine, than I'm going to do it!!!!

Here's a little list from their doctors office which entail little ways to get your kids active in the winter:

1) Have a dance party-turn on that music and get your groove on, even if it is to the soundtrack of "Sophia the First"!

2) Involve the kids in your chores.  If your going up and down the steps (carefully) dusting, give them a job to do-it empowers them! (my youngest loves running the vacuum)

3) Jump rope in the garage or in the driveway (carefully).  My girls are always asking me how to jump rope and often times I'm painting a piece of furniture while they're trying to do it.  Jumping rope gets that heart rate up, up, up!!

4) Play tag and/or hide and seek.  My girls personally worship this game and it's easy to do.  You could hide right around the corner in plain sight and they get a kick out of it!  Laughter also keeps the heart healthy!

and LASTLY......................

5) Play ball or just kick around the soccer ball at a park.  It takes time and effort to get there I know but it's worth the satisfaction when you see other kids and their parents doing it and you just know you made the right decision.  Seeing other kids play and get exercise is encouraging to us all!

Sophie playing horseshoes.  Your still burning calories here!  Of course supervise your children at all activity levels.

The Amazing My Disney World Experience iPhone App!

Each second year, our family is blessed to attend Epcot Center's Food & Wine Festival at Disney World.

It's a lot of fun.  Surprise guests come and stay with us and often we find ourselves outside after the kids go down to hit the hot tub!   Yahoo!  What fun!  My older daughter seen in the front is not attending with us this year, as she's in her junior year of high school and the PSAT's start for her today so she's preparing for college and cannot afford to miss school.  Rats, that's our babysitter! 

Standing behind her is my stepsister Courtney, a fabulous babysitter and excellent with kids.  Maybe she'll babysit my two daughters and niece.  They are all at age 5 so it should be a piece of cake for her to sit with them.  They can watch Snow White again this year (no maybe not a good idea, the witch is horrifying in that picture)......or maybe Sleeping Beauty, the evil witch Maleficent is not as intense in that one?

When our family gets together, we usually have a place in place.  This year most people don't want a plan: they want the pool and relaxation.  This year I actually want to visit all the parks and that's where the Disney My Disney Experience app for iPhone comes in!! 

It gets five stars from me.  So far, after creating a log in, you can plan your entire trip from your phone.  I'm old fashioned by nature so I was surprised I wanted this app.  I was referred by one parent at a park when I had already researched it myself, so she just confirmed my curiosity.  It's worth downloading and keeping it close by when in the parks. Have that phone charged!

This app allows me to check into my calendar and adjust my reservations, for example I booked a breakfast with the characters at Akershus in Norway at Epcot.  It's an early start for our day but as one Disney customer service professional explained it, "you can always call us back and will look at all the parks to find a different breakfast, lunch or dinner with the characters that accommodates your needs."  

This is fantastic news I tell her!  She also informed me that I can do all of this from my smart phone and that's even better........so when my family has stopped for a treat in France, I can check my smart phone for times for fireworks, concerts, or dining reservations all at my fingertips!!!  No need to call Disney reservations and wait and wait. 

One thing I want to point out: stay patient.  I think that's the key and if your traveling with a big party, polite communication is key.  Here are the concerned mother pics:  I have my daughter here saving her from space aliens and my husband is taking over the universe!  

At the end of it all, having some adult time at Disney is key!

When I look back I wouldn't change a thing.  Being with my family even if I don't always cooperate, is worth every minute being together at Disney.  The My Disney World Experience app is going to be an even bigger help with FastPass. From the app, book your FastPass events!!!  How easy when your somewhere else in Magic Kingdom and in Fantasy Land you want to ride the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train ride and the wait is an hour. With five year old toddlers, waiting sometimes is not an option which makes this app worth having!

This seems silly but take your children to the rest room before entering any popular ride............asking is not an option.  They have to go................and you know what, the app shows you the map in clean color and where the restrooms are!  Pinterest also helped me in my Disney World planning.  Lots of options for kids. Just do a little research.

Enjoy your Disney trip people because memories are being made.  :)

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Protecting our Children from Enterovirus 68

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Protecting our Children from the Enterovirus 68: I don't mean to scare you.  I watch the news.  I've been watching the news more often lately and I like Anderson Cooper, I can't...

Protecting our Children from the Enterovirus 68

I don't mean to scare you.  I watch the news.  I've been watching the news more often lately and I like Anderson Cooper, I can't help it.  My daughters will turn 5 in November. That scares me-I like them home here in our town-the town where I grew up.  They are all growing up so fast, our children.  More in the news: Ebola and Enterovirus 68-I cringe if I hear about another case but we must be prepared and on the lookout.

The latest news, a young boy my girls age dies in New Jersey-he was only four years old-a triplet-he leaves his twin sisters behind.  A tragic loss for the family and those close to him-a loss for everyone.  The link below is not related to the child in New Jersey but to a previous loss.  Dr. Sanjay Gupta does discuss the virus here.

My husband is a big fan of washing hands.  Believe it or not and my loving mother will say I was taught to wash my hands but I absolutely disagree, my younger brother and I were not taught to wash our hands as a precaution.  We just didn't. When we were young, we lived all summer by the beach in a small neighboring city called Mayo, where Nanny Gwen lived, by the beach.  I cut my right foot in the surf there one summer-sliced deep by a beer bottle.

I remember my Nanny Gwen running to the beach to catapult me into the ambulance, her bravado running in the summer wind, no fear, running to save me. She was my hero.  No infection, no weird disease from the sand, just a few stitches in the 1970's. I'll never forget the day or how strong she looked that day.  Thank you Nanny for everything.  Nanny's been gone for a while now. We all miss her.

In 5th grade, I ran smack into a running mate on recess and my nose obliterated, his head needing several stitches and a young fellow 5th grader named Cynthia, in her white eyelet cardigan coming to my rescue, running me into the nurses office, her cardigan soaked with my blood. I required plastic surgery that day. She was my hero that day.  A special thanks to Dr. Strawberry for my nose. (1984)

Today in 2014 we have much more to worry about. The CDC recommends "avoiding those who are sick" since the virus is spread through saliva and phlegm as well as stool and they say washing hands is most important.  Stating that sick people can avoid spreading the virus by covering their nose and mouth when sneezing and coughing cannot be overstated.  Cleaning surfaces and toys is another important measure for prevention.

I don't think when we signed up as parents, we thought heroes would be beside our names but aren't we supposed to be-helping our children along the way, teaching them, preventing illness, preparing them for the world, being safe, looking out and with hope-We must.  I'm glad I waited until I was 36 to have children.  They have my life now.  As my friend Ron Minor says, "Steph, your blessed" and so I am..............................

I hope this blog did not offend anyone in anyway.  My goal is to inform and educate.  I pray for the family in New Jersey and all the families who have experienced pain and loss due to this virus.

Nanny Gwen and her birthday cake for me.  Look at my little cousin Cody.  I've always loved babies.

Coconut Oil-magical for the hair, skin and nails!

Okay, in order for me to have a sweetly decorated life, I have to be fed, watered, and given ample amounts of sun. Do I sound like a plant?  I know I do, like one of those indoor ones.

We'll more often than not, we think we need more than we actually do, when really it's actually pretty simple: we just need the basic things to be happy and so does our skin.  Here's what I'm talking about and more:

Today, Friday October 3rd, I visited Gary's Gardens in Severna Park and Chik-fil-a.  Nice people.  Good food, the sun was out and I love flowers and pumpkins.  I spoke on the Iphone to a couple of my distant friends in far off lands. It was nice. One gf  in New York.  She's lovely and another gf in North Carolina, she's lovely as well.  It's been a great day so far.  It's approaching 2 pm and my husband is home (he works from home four days per week) and he happens to be watching what he can of the Baltimore Orioles playing the Detroit Tigers in the American League playoff series.

He went to the game last night and they won, 12-3.  I'm happy for him.  But tonight is my night with him.  No Oriole game, no hockey game, no Ravens game.  Just he and I.  We will go to dinner together and he will take me to Marshall's to peruse the skin care aisle and yep ladies, he looks too, patiently.  I love it because inevitably I find some cheap form of skin oil/cream that I can take home to try to fix the damage done to my face via sun, smoking, laughing out loud and crying.

Life happens and now at 41 I want to blend the lines around my forehead and stay youthful for as long as I can.  Why you ask?  Because I like the way it looks and feels and that's okay, and it's healthy and good. My sister in law asked me why I get Botox (I haven't for a year) and I told her I want some of the wrinkles smoothed, gone, bye-bye-I don't like them I say.  She then asked me why not enjoy my age and where I am in life?  We'll I do but it's also okay to admit that some of those wrinkles got there from squinting and going through some rough times in my life.  I'm over it and ready to take better care of my skin.  I no longer get Botox but I do love the line of skincare treatments available to us ladies today.

My recent discovery, it's lovely,

Coconut Oil is the main and first ingredient.  I've noticed in just one week my skin looking brighter, more even, and once applied, my skin glows for hours.  I apply it again right after my shower and follow it with DMAE cream on the hands, neck and chest.  I love, love, love this new anti-aging oil!!!

With any skincare regime, try to exercise and eat well and drink water always-

I found it in my Marshall's store for retail $6.99.  Happy Shopping and enjoy.

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Attending the Maryland Renaissance Festival with K...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Attending the Maryland Renaissance Festival with K...: Every year in the fall I get gussied up (that's my fancy word for dressed up, make up and all) to attend the Maryland Renaissance Festiv...

Attending the Maryland Renaissance Festival with Kids, the Joy of Both

Every year in the fall I get gussied up (that's my fancy word for dressed up, make up and all) to attend the Maryland Renaissance Festival in Crownsville, Maryland, just outside of my birthplace of Annapolis, Maryland.  I love it.  It's my thing I tell everyone.

At the Ren Fair with Mom in the background

I think it all started with me in high school English classes and then the art of language came into play. We moved into Shakespeare, Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet.  In my senior year of high school I took a course I believe was called, Mysteries & Suspense.  I loved it and the teacher was just as disarming.  It was only a few of us in her class but she loved it and that made me love it too. Then when the Lord of the Rings Trilogy came out, directed and written by the talented Peter Jackson, I was the first in line to get tickets.  The battles, the pageantry, the romance of it all.

Those movies, ideology, and the history of the Renaissance period enchant me.  There was certainly pomp and circumstance, luxury in survival, and love, lots of love I imagine.  It thrilled me to wait every Sunday to view HBO's series, The Tudors.  How brilliant a show and well done with costumes.

In 2009 I was blessed to attend in my 8th month of pregnancy the fair with friends and family.  The weather was full sun but a lovely breeze would make its way through the food court and I was in heaven.  Like most people, the Fall is my absolute favorite time of year.  There in October, so close to my due date, fried macaroni and cheese on a stick sounded pretty good!  There all I did was people watch and there is a lot of good people watching going on.  How about how those who chomp on those turkey legs!  Wow!

We made the rounds of the games (we had my stepchildren with me so that was required) and mastered the costume shops; with little space to get around in most of them (my belly didn't help either)!  I believe we even caught a couple of vignettes, one at the Globe Theatre and the other, the name escapes me.  It's location set deep in the woods of this brilliant festival.  Loads of seats and close to the privies just in case, the potty is required.  Laughter abounds here and happy faces.  Mine included.

It's been five years since I've attended the Maryland Renaissance Festival and I do gather it's expanded a great deal.  On our way in this year with kids in tow, a rather large elephant passed us going on his break for the day.  I think the kiddies loved that and it proved this fair was going to be AWESOME and it was.

Mom, Debbie, my niece, my brother, my daughter and Stepfather

In the photo above, we had just finished snacking on our steak on a stick entree and we all agreed it was delicious when I snapped this photo.  We were then deciding what next to do and what direction to take when I saw happy times evolving.  I love taking photos while people aren't watching.  It's brilliant most times and it works out.  I capture them. Here the little Tudor style village housing and tall trees bringing light to a beautiful family moment entrapped my consciousness.  Did I do all the wonderful things I wanted to do that day-no I didn't.  Do I regret it.  No.  We had our children with us and I wouldn't change a thing but I am going back.  I think everyone had a good time including my elegant friend Aunt Jane.

At $22 a person with no Groupon available, I AM GOING AGAIN.  I did not see the jousting and like any good renaissance lady I have to attend the jousting and cheer on the king at 6 pm.  You see the older ones in our group or the less enthusiastic didn't want to hit the millions of cars leaving at 7 pm when the venue closes. I can't blame them and so with that, the show closes and I, full from pints of beer and fried food trample on through the dust and bid adieu to my fine costumed friends and promise I will see them next year.

I have to convince my husband to attend in October and this will be a feat in and of itself.  Merriment always my friends.........

The Sweetly Decorated Life: The thought of having another baby again....at 41

The Sweetly Decorated Life: The thought of having another baby again....at 41: Pregnant at 36 was fine but 41?  I don't know. I've dabbled with the thought over and over again.  My twin daughters are turnin...

The thought of having another baby again....at 41

Pregnant at 36 was fine but 41?  I don't know.

I've dabbled with the thought over and over again.  My twin daughters are turning five in two months and my husband is 43.  We are no Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale.  We are normal people with no nannies, no help and two older stepchildren.  It makes one think:

Would a baby bring the family closer OR would a new baby bring more stress and isolate us from each other?

Those questions and more haunt me.  I can only divulge them to my husband so many times before he actually closes the case and says it's too late.  I definitely don't want another one.  ugh.  How would that make me feel and what would I do then?

I discuss this with my close friend Scarlett who hails from Brooklyn.  She's awesome.  She told her husband whom she met late in life, "Look I know you feel like you'd get lost in the whole second baby thing but I want you to know, if I don't do this, I'll always wonder what if.  I'm not asking for a third and I promise I won't let you down.  Our time together will be there, but my baby carrying abilities will not."

She wowed me with her strength of character.  She knew what she wanted, she put it out there for her husband.  He bought it and they delivered a son nine months later.  He's a beautiful sweet boy and his name is Tristan.  They now together have one of each, a girl name Brisa and a boy named Tristan.  They together make a sweet family.  I've never met a more sincere and caring person than Scarlett.  She is earth incarnate. Did I forget to mention she was 42 when she had him?  She's the Gwen Stefani of Conway, South Carolina!!!

But one thing that Scarlett didn't have to do is go through fertility.  Lucky for me I have one embryo frozen and that means I don't have to go through trying to fake my body into being pregnant, or be there for my hubby's out-patient extraction of sperm, and putting the egg and sperm together to make an embryo. Whew! No not all of that again. That's a whole long process of creation and taking my blood through a tiny vein in my hand (I have tiny veins so getting my blood is vicious!) we'll can anyone say ?!/?*%!^#

According to BabyCenter.com there are several pros and cons to having a baby in your 40's so it's going to be all about my attitude in the game:

Baby Center said, "All these downsides can be disheartening — but don't forget that some women do get pregnant well into their 40s, and many of them have complication-free pregnancies and healthy babies. And while older mothers may be at higher risk for negative pregnancy results, the overall number of such incidents is low."

Another quote to take note of: "Miscarriage rates begin to skyrocket in your 40s as well. From age 40 to 44, the rate is 35 percent, and it rises to more than 50 percent for women 45 and older (compared to 10 percent at age 20 and 12 percent at age 30). After age 40, the risk of pregnancy complications, such as high blood pressure and diabetes is twice as high as it is for a woman in her 20s."

We'll you know what I didn't want a baby in my 20's......and my 30's we'll that idea progressed slowly until I met the right person. I'll be 42 in July of 2015 and I'm hoping to be at least pregnant by then!!

The help part of the equation is to be debated.  I'm hoping to have a mothers' helper in all of this, not b/c I can't manage all of the kids, the schedules, the laundry, being there for my husband or the taxi driver but because I can admit I CAN'T DO IT ALL.

I rest on this debate about having another child.  I want one.  I want another girl, another boy, whatever.  Healthy please!!!

Are you thinking about all the sleepless nights I'm going to have?  I've done that already.  It's worth every sleepy day lying next to my baby in my dream house.  Yep, I dream.  It's okay for you to do it too.

Now back to my being something to everyone.  My 14 year old stepson is coming over for an extended weekend visit.  Oh, the energy that kid has................... I hope I have enough chips in the house.

Pregnant at 36 with twins.  My hubby and stepson.

Having Faith in the Most Tumultuous Times....

Do you BELIEVE?  My friend Anastasia and how she saved me

I don't practice my religion often, although I should.  I'm an ordinary Christian, registered, a believer.  When I'm in church I'm my best ME.  I wish I went more often.  I try.  I watch Joel Osteen when I'm home; to catch up on rest, relaxation, and not be stressed by any hectic schedule with four kids-I love Joel's message. As many people might say, Sunday is my only day off-to sleep in, to do absolutely nothing.  My faith in tact.

After 9/11 I strengthened my faith.  I went to church every Sunday, joined spiritual groups, and grew as a Christian.  Then I went back to a place where I wasn't in church almost close to not-at-all.  This wasn't good.  It's almost as if I just can't stay consistent in my church attendance.  I loose interest, I get bored, my mind wanders and I find I need a break, although I can attest to this one true fact-I BELIEVE.  I carry an unending faith in my Father and the miracles within.  I believe in the ever present concepts of good and evil and I believe in the power and simplicity of PRAYER.  It works.

Both my husband and I have experienced miracles in our lives and it forever changed the course of our belief systems.  I think it gave us the belief that going forward you will never doubt ME again.

Recently my husband has been threatened by an employee who was let go from his organization.  I cannot tell you when I heard that how that made me feel.  My husband is my world and I his.  For someone to even speak of him in any way other than amazing is like sacrilegious.  He is there to help people in his organization, not hurt them.  I say to myself, I have faith.  Keep your faith Stephanie.

It angered me when I heard this news.  He left this morning for a charity softball tournament and I held him close before he left for Philadelphia.  My daughters and husband are my main reasons for happiness.  They give me JOY, they bring me laughter, they brought back the faith in ME but before they arrived I prayed and prayed.

It doesn't matter what I read in the press, or watch on CNN or FOX News, I still believe one UNIVERSAL TRUTH-

Believing that there is a GOD and his son JESUS died on the cross for you to give us LIFE and that it be abundant and good, not the other way around.  You see it's also in our POSITIVE THINKING that a faith arrives and stays put.  When I'm negative and my thinking is poor, I'm not with HIM.

Are we thinking in the positive, with love, and in GOD's name?  Or are we thinking doom, gloom, and negativity?

I don't have all the answers about religion but I know the choice that feels good and right and healthy and I've seen first hand the consequences of such thinking but it started with a SEED and that was my belief in HIM.  I read the good book, concentrated on its principles, and let it be what it would be.  I know it sounds simple but it evolved over time..........

THE MIRACLE: When I experienced a miracle through the other side, I knew it was not through Buddha, karma, or through playing the Lottery, or through atoms exploding in outer space!  It was through my heart felt prayers, through helping my friend who was dying of cancer and praying over her to heal and her eventual passing that she would heal me. When she came to me in the after life, I was able to see the light and I knew in that moment, in my body, my mind, my spiritual gut, it was GOD.

It's hard to explain it to people who've never experienced this lightness but it does exist and it changed me for good.  It doesn't mean I don't have hard days or challenges ahead, but it gave me something on that day in April 2010 I didn't have before: An UNRELENTING FAITH.

There will always be one thing or another that will get your attention and call you to test your thinking and very possibly your beliefs, but where will you stand on the last day, the day you are called to answer, what do you believe?  I know what my answer will be.....................I'm praying for you.

.

Staying Conscious in your Marriage-The First Part

A tiny dance floor.....

This is my second time around in married life so being "present" was very important to me.  I had an acupuncturist friend who once told me that being conscious in your marriage was more important than any other factor, more important than romance, more important than your kids, everything. Fran knew what she was talking about.  I just didn't get what she was saying so she put me in touch with a number of books on the subject and then once my appointment was over, I jumped right into the "conscious seeking" world.

To be honest it overwhelmed me but why I started this blog is to point out that life can be sweet, that it is sweet, but the road for me to get to this "sweetly decorated life" was going to take some work and it did. I'm 41 and I did the work-I sought the self help books, saw the therapists, participated in Re-birthing, took love and marriage seminars in Orlando (yes Orlando!) and managed to at this point come out "sweetly happy".
A Sweetly Decorated Life is more than my love of decorating, ornamental stuff or things I love, it's the life we can all love.  (I want to point out that I do have Christian faith).  :)

I'm here to talk about things that we can discuss and dream about.  It's also about our relationships and sharing.  I'll always revisit the aim of my blog and my goal is for you to walk away inspired.........

When I got married in 2012 it was impromptu, without a lot of planning, and in the backyard of the home we were renting in Pawling, New York.  There was a massive thunderstorm waiting in the wings that hot August evening and it released it's force after we were married.  After I gave my new husband grief that our wedding was ruined by the wine spilled on my dress, the drunk people who arrived late and the wet, wet rain that spoiled the music player and any chance of us dancing on that expensive dance floor we rented, I still didn't feel better!  I now laugh at what happened as it reminds me that life and marriage ARE NOT PERFECT in any way; life is sweetened by the people in it.  There were plenty of good things that happened before and after my wedding that I now choose my brain to focus on:  Aunt Janet and I hunting for flowers in the brush to use in my bouquet, the doves that showed up while Patrick and I were having coffee the day before our wedding, the friends who drove from North Carolina to come to my wedding, my 3 year old daughter during our vows who exclaimed, "Mommy I love you!" and the family and friends falling to mush.

Now it's time to be conscious in your marriage.  Gone are the days where couples sit idly by and watch the world pass right by them.  Gone are the days where the only spouse in the house who worked was the husband and the wife stayed home and raised all six kids (this was my Grandparents!).  Now we have so much going on, very busy schedules to maintain and let us not forget, our Facebook accounts (I digress).   There is much more to maintain but we MUST and should look at our love partners and be kind.

What do I mean by that?  It's fully loaded.  Being aware and being present of your partners' needs, wants and desires in life and most importantly being present in your life.  We sometimes get so caught up in work, life, hobbies, and stress that we loose ourselves, what we want and who we are.  We often loose ourselves in our partners needs, loosing that fine balance that conscious loving requires and that's the neat thing about this equation: being conscious in your marriage means YOU DON'T NEGLECT YOU.  Your present and also aware of your needs, your wants and your desires and somehow both of you need to meet in the middle. My current acupuncturist is quite versed on these concepts and practices as she's on her second marriage, she's happy and she brought three girls into the union.

My reading recommendations on this subject were and are by ironically similar last names:

By Gay Hendricks, a gem of a book

By Harville Hendrix, you'll have homework here but it's worth it!

We are all trying in marriage but when there is love there and you honor your spouse, you get a little something back too and ain't that sweet?

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Heading to the Consignment Store for Back to Schoo...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Heading to the Consignment Store for Back to Schoo...: Grateful for this Shop I have found love at this shop in my hometown.  Annapolis, Maryland has always been a place where you could shop...

Heading to the Consignment Store for Back to School-why pay more somewhere else?

Grateful for this Shop

I have found love at this shop in my hometown.  Annapolis, Maryland has always been a place where you could shop and find a bargain but never designer duds on a budget: enter Return to Oz Consignments.  The ladies who own this little palace pack quite a punch-they know what they're doing and they get it done. They get your goods entered into their system after you drop them off and they ascertain how much they're worth. Bye Bye bags.....I'll wait. I'm sure it's good news.

I say why not?  I don't mind earning something for the clothes, shoes, and household items that I don't want to turn over to The Goodwill.  I like the idea that whatever they don't take into their store in inventory they donate to charity (a local church mission).  That's good news.

My girls love going to Return to Oz.  They know there is stuff to play with and dress up costumes, books, and a kids' table for coloring.  The employees there all are familiar faces and that makes me feel good because I know when I head up to find out if I've made money, I find a familiar face, ahhh.  They know what they're doing, how the operation works and what if any is the balance due, "Mrs. McCoy, you made $25"!  I love it.  Today I went in for a bathing suit for our trip to Disney World in October-I wasn't looking for back to school clothes in particular or shoes but there were plenty of choices. That's what I love about bargain hunting in thrift and/or consignment stores: you never know what your going to find.  I guess that's why they call it "the thrill of the hunt."

There are lessons in the thrill of the hunt for your children too:  never pay full price for an item you need or love or have to have.  I travel to flea markets, yard sales sometimes, but mostly to consignment shops and this one is right in the center of all things: West Street in Annapolis; it's hard not to stop by.  The clothes and some toys on the front steps of this old house are enchanting; the racks beckoning me in.  For just a little, you can come away with a lot and still have money left over to take to Disney World!  I like that idea.

I got my swimsuit-a mom suit now; it's conservative, it moves and compliments my body shape.  It's not beautiful but it's well made and it'll do.  It's about my kids now, sometimes me, more times them.  I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Smile now, shopping done.  Kids go to pre-k in two days.

clothes galore!

Return to Oz Consignments
2011 West St, Annapolis, MD 21401(410) 266-9390

Are you a Daddy's Girl? I wasn't, find out how a miracle changed my Dad and I forever

My Dad is a trucker kind of guy.  You know the one I'm talking about-the kind of guy who eats meat and potatoes, gets up for work the same time every day and is never late.  Oh my father could never be late for work-that's a carnal sin in his book.  My father and I grew up isolated from one another for most of my life or so I thought.

1973 would you look at that hair?

I don't guess this picture tells it all but it could.  My father was just 21 when I arrived on the scene, a far cry from children being born to men in their late 40's today.  Dad had a fast car and a fast life according to my Mom and she wanted to slow him down by having a family, a cool apartment, and a new blender to make baby food.  He wasn't having any of it.  He left the apartment this photo was taken in so he could take a shower at my Grandmothers where she conveniently packed his lunch for work the next day.  This really bothered my mother and why not it's insanity!  My Grandparents were lovingly married for close to 60 years. My Father the middle child between my Aunt Debbie and Uncle Keith, my Grandmother's mid life baby (he still lives with her).  I don't think my Dad could do any wrong.  He played with matches, never smoked and cruised chicks.  He had a hot rod car, a Buick, a fast car and all the ladies loved his long hair and budding mustache, including my Mom.

At various points in my life I wished my Mom would tell me they were madly in love but too young when they married in March of 1971 but that's not the story she told me. She told me she wooed him into marrying her and that would be my way with men too, for a while anyway.  I don't remember much of my childhood except that my parents separated and divorced when my little brother Jay and I were young: 10 and 8 respectively and I think that deserves a bronze medal in my book of marriage!  They lasted that long-geeez, I can't imagine it lasted that long with his comings and goings and interest in softball-he was never home and that's because the home environment was too slow and there were needy kids there and that took some serious doing.  During this time he met my stepmother, she played softball too and she liked my Dad's looks and mystique.  I would like her at first and then come to find out who this woman really was: deception.

The teen years and my Dad, remarried and seemingly happy

In this photo I'm wearing my mother's work dress. I call it that because she worked full time plus another job at a deli just to make ends meet for Jay and I.  I loved my mother-her style, her long flowing curly blonde hair and her work ethic.  She was a hard worker and she never complained about anything. She let me go in her wardrobe whenever I liked to wear her pretty clothes.  I always wanted to look pretty for my Dad because I desperately wanted his attention because his attention went elsewhere; to his wife and two new children: boys.  Oh yuck, boys.  I wanted sisters.  One time I told my stepmother when she was pregnant that I wanted her to have a girl and she told me, "I ain't gonna have no girl-ever."  That's how that woman worked.  The way she treated me was pretty horrible but I took it up with her after I had my own girls and not surprisingly she defended herself to the deathstar.

Growing up through the teen years was bittersweet.  I struggled through high school, having boyfriends that were reckless, into drugs, and who verbally and physically abused me.  It was a hard journey to get to now but I came out happy, happy, happy and full of spirit but my Dad was never available to me.  It's sad really because men don't really know how to be emotionally there for anyone.  This is my truth.  I don't expect anyone to agree with me.  This is just my experiences, my story and the legacy I leave for the girls will be, your Grandfather and I received a miracle.

I believe now my father has changed, albeit a little but he has changed for the better.  In May of 2009 I found out I was pregnant with twins.  Can anyone say elated?!  I remember when I found out I was having two girls (which is what I wanted right!), I immediately phoned up my Dad in the car after the sonogram and blurted it "It's two girls Dad!"  He was the first to know.  That's what I'm talking about.  We don't ever stop loving or letting go of our fathers.  My pregnancy progressed along nicely for a high risk pregnancy.  Many sonograms and putting the feet up and enjoying the nesting process.  I'm a fast paced girl so slowing down has never been easy for me-this pregnancy was critical and I wanted children so badly.  I was 36 and I did feel like after two losses, it was risky at my age.  I also have a blood clotting disorder so my pregnancy was touch and go and shots daily in my tummy.  I cringed every time that needle went in.

Happy and pregnant beside my favorite gal: Mom

Then Friday the 13th 2009 arrived.  I was scheduled to receive a call from my recruiter telling me I was getting let go as a contractor at Verizon.  I was okay with it because I knew I had to get to motherhood soon.  I was due December 15th right before Christmas and I couldn't be happier.  Shortly before the call I had plans to shower and get down to my friends in the kitchen, preparing and freezing meals for when the babies come but the universe had other plans: my right leg had swollen dramatically and that's when I paged my OB.  She called back and told me to report ASAP to Labor and Delivery.  What?  Now?  Really?  As folks were pouring in the driveway Friday evening at rush hour, we were rushing out the door to become parents!  Yikes!

My then boyfriend at the time phoning people frantically telling them the babies were coming, I was doing fine and they were prepping me for a C-section and to get to the hospital as soon as possible.  I was shaking uncontrollably from all of the adrenaline.  When my husband called my father he was celebrating his birthday by having beers in his garage apartment alone.  My Grandmother drove him to the hospital and just before midnight on my fathers 58th birthday, my daughters were born.  My mother jumping on top of my husband, it was elation, relief and absolute joy for the whole family.  Two thumbs up.

GOD did just what I needed him to do.  Not only did he bless me with two healthy baby girls but he gave my father the belief that he could start over again with these girls-his granddaughters.  My Dad will probably never offer up an apology for the terrible things that happened to me as a young woman and he doesn't have to but he does give my daughters reassurance that their loved by him; they know it and love "Pop Nevin".

It gives me great pleasure watching my Dad interact with his granddaughters.  They do have a bond.  It's interesting to watch too; uncanny at times.  Sometimes I wonder did I have that with him and then I remember he was too young having me and as life unfolded as it quickly does, your already onto your path, driven, unable to change, and forced to accept what you cannot change.  He's divorced now from the stepmother, they were 20 years in when they divorced a few years back.  Sad really after all that work they put in, even if they still only live 5 minutes from each other and are "available" to one another when the times present themselves.  I don't speak of her to my Dad when he comes for visits which are pretty frequent. Weekly visits on the weekends provide my daughters with the love and sense of family that I always hoped they'd have.  My mother, GiGi is their standby Mommy and her and her husband GiBob-the incessant clown are the quote on quote grandparents. What they bring to the table is invaluable.  It's pure family.

My girls now have a family they can rely on and can be proud of.  I'm sooooo happy for them and me.

Finding peace with Dad and I

GiGi and GiBob the center of our family

If you struggle with the relationship you have with your own father, I encourage you to speak the truth to him, through letters, emails, or the hardest part, through the phone.  Their is HOPE.  I was forunate to receive responses to my correspondences with my father but it was due much to my probing.

I asked my Dad one time ten years ago was he excited when I was being born and he told me he was and he told me his side of the story.  That's the neat thing: there is always two sides to a very complex relationship.

My visit to the Anne Arundel County Farmers' Market-Support your local Farmer

Who could of told me when I moved back to Annapolis in January that my local farmers market would be so delicious?  With all the apprehension I had about leaving Pawling New York and it's lovely sense of community, I have to say I've been pleasantly pleased with all the changes Annapolis has made!

My trip last week to the farmers market was needed.  The kids are about to start a new school year, our budget has been reviewed and our little garden in the backyard is only producing tomatoes and a little cucumber or two.  It's always been my goal to check out the farmer's market; I'd see the signs and make a mental note, always finding myself back at the grocery store for expensive produce that sometimes never gets eaten.  As I evolve I'm more conscious of the world we live in and how it affects so many others in our community and far beyond the reaches of my home state.

It was an absolute joy to make the decision to pursue the Anne Arundel County Farmers' Market last Tuesday.  Opening up at 7 am, which gives us early risers the opportunity at the best produce, I was able to nab this photo and talk to the farmer's a bit.  How amazing are these folks?  They live and breathe their work and are proud of their family's heritage; some farms being passed onto the next generation because their parents are too old to tend to it.  I spoke to one lady who has taken over her parents farm, her and her husband running the day to day operations; she almost cried telling me that it takes a village to keep the farm alive and profitable. There I bought apples and pears-the pears not quite ripe but alive with color.

Every table at the farmers market was vibrant, organized and the prices very reasonable.  I walked up the aisle twice, only to come back to a small elderly man who has manned his farm in Davidsonville for over 32 years.  Being born in Germany, he told me the farmers' fought for this space, he didn't think it was going to happen, there space on Riva Road but it did and it kept some coin in their pocket.  With a slight accent and a charming disposition, this guy had me buying his red potatoes and corn.  Another customer talked about how he buys this man's radishes every week that their the best radishes he's ever tasted.  I actually think I saw this old farmer smile, with his suspenders and old floppy hat, he was covered with dirt from I'm sure his early morning pickings.  What a sweet guy, he reminded me of my Grandfather Harold but without the cursing!

I was good friends with a girl in high school and her father was a dairy farmer. I never quite got it then but I do now.  It's a love affair with the land.  It's pride when something you plant arrives and people can eat it and be healthy.  What a joy.  They gave me for a small price the fruits and vegetables my family needs to grow.  They tilled the soil, planted the seeds, and waited for us to hopefully buy.  I'll definitely be back.

With just $20 I bought a delicious mini cantaloupe (she told me it was much better than the average cantaloupe and it was!), squash, zucchini, cucumber, onion, red potatoes, corn on the cob, and swiss chard!  Happy Eating everyone!

Anne Arundel County Farmers' Market
Riva Road & Harry S. Truman Pkwy
Tuesday: 7:00 am-Noon, May-Oct
Saturday: 7:00 am-Noon, Apr-Dec

Leaving Depression & Anxiety in the past

I really didn't know what to title this blog.  Considering the recent drama surrounding Robin Williams' tragic death, I have to say like everyone else I'm completely speechless.  You see I did acting, on stage, on television, in commercials, and hosting lifestyle television shows and theirs something about always being "on" when the camera starts to roll.  It felt overwhelming to me at most times.

When do you begin and the other character stops?  In 1997 after I graduated college with a business degree is when I began my foray into the entertainment world.  I simply wanted to work behind the scenes and paint a couple of sets, maybe do make up for the actors, whatever they needed me to do.  It turns out the director of the theatre company outside of Baltimore had other ideas.  I was asked to audition for the lead in a very big play showcasing during the holiday season.  I said yes and no one else showed up for auditions so naturally I was cast in the role.  HUGE shoes to fill I say and the rest was history.  I reprised that role four times after.

Opening for Neil Simon's Plaza Suite.  (John Nevin, left, me, Debbie Nevin, my sister in law, right)

I was so nervous and it showed when that show premiered.  I was a wreck.  I was worried about memorizing my lines, would I be good, would I be acting or would it be me.  It was such a big deal to me and I think many entertainers grapple with this issue and more: a deep sense of insecurity.  But of course it's not just entertainers who struggle their whole lives with being good enough or current in their industry, it's many,many, many Americans and it's very sad.

When I became a mother that also brought many insecurities because I simply did not know what I was doing but it also brought an insurmountable joy that even I can't explain.  At 36 I was blessed with my children's birth landing spot on my Dad's 58th birthday.  It was a miracle I couldn't deny after most of my life having an estranged relationship with my father.  

We shortly thereafter moved to New York and began a distant relationship with our families, only seeing them on special occasions.  It was tough but for the last four years we made trips south and they made trips north for visits.  I can honestly say most of my life with the exception of my earliest years I've dealt with depression and anxiety, starting around the teen years.  I wanted so desperately to please my parents and my father at this point had remarried and had a new family of his own.  When I was sixteen and dealing with boys, alcohol and drug temptations, he wasn't there for me and he didn't know how to be.

I did the work over the years, plummeting through therapists like puddles in the rain, going on the right therapies finally in New York and coming out of it, back home in 2014 in Annapolis, Maryland happy.  Yes I can honestly say after almost 25 years of insecurity, heartbreak, sadness and anxious hands, I feel complete.

I've done Rebirthing, self-help workshops, how- to- get- the- love- you- want seminars in Florida (yes I dragged my husband to this one!) and all of the above and all of it has helped me figure life out.  I'm not saying my struggles are over because I don't think they are.  But finally things seem to make sense.  I think children have a way of putting all of life's quandaries into perspective.

Dad, Sophie and me

On this day recently, my daughter Sophie looked at my Dad pictured here and said "We have the same birthday!" and he lite up like a firefly and that moment gave me such joy.  I can't explain the feelings I have now as a mother, wife, and friend but I know all of the people in my life bring me JOY and make me happy and they'll lessen the load if you let them.  I actually like what Cameron Diaz said in the most recent publication of Harpers Bazaar. She said, "I wouldn't go back to 22, I'll take 62 before I ever go back to 22" and you know something that sounds good to me.  Moving forward and relishing every moment has been a process for me and I too, wouldn't go back to age 22 because being over 40 has been so good already.  I do however grapple with the aging process, wrinkles, my flabby stomach and aches and pains.  Meditation and acupuncture seem to help. 

One honest decision I decided to make in 2010 was to register as a walker in The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's annual Out of the Darkness Overnight.  It's a walk through NYC I will never forget.  I walked it with my Mom and my sister in law Debbie who has also suffered losses due to suicide.

Uplifting and honest

I'm currently not partaking in acting and don't know when and if I'll go back into it.  I'm not opposed but my family and my stress free life come first.

If You Are in Crisis, Get Help Immediately. 

Call 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

I'm praying for you.