The Perils of Fertility; injections, FET's, and Waiting

I took this photo on Friday when I arrived for my blood work and ultrasound on Day 9 of Lupron.  Does anyone out there know what Lupron is?  An update: I've been taking fertility drugs since May and my body has gone through the ringer.

Definition of Lupron:
Lupron (leuprolide) overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily. Leuprolide reduces the amount of testosterone in men or estrogen in women.

Possible Side Effects While Using This Medicine

Call your doctor right away if you notice any of these side effects:

• Allergic reaction: Itching or hives, swelling in your face or hands, swelling or tingling in your mouth or throat, chest tightness, trouble breathing
• Change in how much or how often you urinate
• Depression or severe moodiness or emotional problems
• Fast, pounding, or uneven heart beat
• Heavy vaginal bleeding
• Seizures
• Unusual or severe bone or back pain

If you notice these less serious side effects, talk with your doctor:

• Headache
• Hot flashes and sweating, warmth or redness in your face, neck, arms, or upper chest
• Loss of interest in sex, sexual problems
• Moodiness
• Pain, itching, burning, bruises, or swelling where the shot was given

If you notice other side effects that you think are caused by this medicine, tell your doctor.
Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You may report side effects to FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088. (Courtesy of drugs.com interesting website by the way)

PMS is awful we all know that but being on Lupron to actually stop the ovulation process could actually be worse!  I started the whole process to have baby #3 in October of 2013 and I've been attending Shady Grove Fertility Center ever since in bursts and waves.  I've kept most of this quiet and to myself which has recently revealed a painful hell that I didn't think existed.  It's called SERIOUS HORMONES.

After telling me in May after starting an FET cycle, that's short for Frozen Embryo Transfer, I was told to stop because they found alarming scar tissue.  As soon as I could my fertility doctor wanted me to have an HSG x ray of my uterus which is an x ray of the whole uterus and it's friends like the ovaries, fallopian tubes.  Those x rays were sent to my doctors at Shady Grove where I then heard nothing.  I then made numerous phone calls to find out what SG's thoughts were on me moving forward with another treatment plan (they call it a protocol).

Meanwhile behind the scenes, my temperament went soaring.  If I saw a baby I naturally gush and hope I can have another but quietly would wonder "is this going to work, I've never done a frozen cycle".  I was also told when I found out about the "ditch" level of scar tissue I had that basically "I should be happy with my two girls and more or less move on."  Seriously it's my embryo and I've been storing it for over five years. What now?

Now you should see me at Shady Grove!  It is no longer my husband and I walking into the center happy, eager, anticipating getting pregnant like we were in 2008.  Now it's me walking into (this is if I'm successful finding an ample parking place for my mini van!) SG's offices by my lonesome and hoping I've stopped OVULATING!  I'm sitting there watching the Today Show, waiting for my name to be called and hoping they can draw the blood they need out of my tiny veins to assess my hormone levels.  I then wait for the sonogram and it's out to the front desk.  I'm sad to say I see so many broken faces there. 

UPDATE
I have not stopped ovulating.  I found out Friday of this week with one week left to go to train for my 10 mile race with the Striders, who by the way kicked some serious tail on the run this morning.  I sluggishly started my training after I inhaled this delicious pink sprinkled DUNKIN DONUT!!  My reward for ovulating. Lucky.

Thanks Pinterest!

We'll friends, I am now waiting to start another treatment cycle where I'll get to know Lupron again.  I can handle the needle, it's the side affects that torture.

I was going to document my fertility experience.  I know people, couples do.  They Vblog according to my stepdaughter.  I don't think I'll go there.  Do you really want to see me self inject?  Watch Cops, it'll be more exciting than watching me try to figure out how to extract 20 iu's of Lupron into a tiny needle!

I'm not infertile. I don't have fibroids.  I went through fertility for other private reasons.  It was not to have twins either. If you'd like to email me personally I'd be happy to discuss it. 

For all the woman whom I've met and interacted with these last months and years, I commend you for your bravery and for your honest travels in trying to grow your family. Your brave, your real and Presidential style strong. Thank you for praying for me and wishing me the best also. I'm with you.

A big thanks to Dr. Mottla and Dr. Buckson and to Dr. Sweeny for taking good care of my high risk factors and for keeping me calm while I was pregnant with the girls. I'll cherish that experience forever.

It's not Shady Grove's problem that I haven't been successful this time around.  I'm 42 now.  I was 35 going through all of this before I got pregnant with my girls.  Many thousands of dollars later and I feel like that should be addressed because the stress of the financials alone is enough to pull your hair out, but the age factor does put the added stress on. 

I wish everyone health and success in their fertility journey and enjoy those pink donuts!  The next blog will be how happy life is, now that your kiddies are back in school!  I know I was happy to have my girls at home for the summer but glad that school will ground them in structure and social activity! 

 

Three Hair Masks for Over Stressed Summer Hair

Use once a week, 'doubles' hair growth

I've got three top notch hair remedies and all three come from good sources.  On a recent trip to New York, my husband and I had the chance to sit down and chat with a woman who underwent a year long transformation to loose weight and get healthy before her and her husband decided to have children.  I asked her what her secret was for long, beautiful, shiny hair and this mask is what she told me she used.  She swore by it and all natural biotin and Shea Moisture Shampoo and Conditioner! 

I think you'll love these remedies and you and I will both see longer healther hair.  Bye Bye Summer, Hello Fall Healthy Hair!

Second Hair Mask
eggs
Olive Oil (tbsp.)
Conconut Oil (tbsp.)

Use once per week or every other week.
*I use Dr. Bronner's Magic All-One Fair Trade & Organic Coconut oil

Great for the skin and eating!

The Third Mask
1 ripe Avacado
2 Tbsp plain yogurt (any type)
2 tsp pure honey

1. Blend ingredients in a shallow bowl to make a smooth paste.
2. Massage mixture into damp hair and then cover with a shower cap or old cotton towel.
3. Let mixture soak into hair for 20 minutes, then rinse and shampoo.

The yogurt has lactic acid which gently cleanses the hair and the avocado-honey mixture is rich in oils and the avacados restore shine and moisture.  Use weekly to repair damage caused by sun, chlorine, and saltwater. 

Your hair will say thank you! 

A Must-See film, "Do You Believe?"

I'm not much for films that make me cry.  Why?  It's not really important-this film proved that I'm a person whose up for crying now and I'm ready to take my faith to the next level.

The movie: 12 lives intersecting. One path. How are all of these people going to meet one another in this life?  The ultimate question begs to be answered "What do you believe" and what journey are you on now, what challenges do you face and what are you going to do about it; how all of these folks' lives intertwine will have you asking the question, Why Didn't I Believe Sooner?" 

Because I've worked on movies, I almost always have a negative view point on how they're going to turn out.  It's not the way movies use to be made-with an unnerving way to make you feel something monumental (good actors a must here). You had a goal in watching the film-to be floored; to be amazed or in awe or leave the cinema saying "that was awesome!'

The films of yesteryear like "On Golden Pond" and "The Sound of Music" moved me like no other films would and that's uniquely how I want to feel when I watch a movie. The acting is great, the writing is solid, the film moves and shakes you in a way to garner your incestuous response and you ride along, waiting to see how the characters will do.  Will they make it?  Will they win or lose?  I'm always rooting for the honest characters to win.  I love a happy ending.  Don't we all and yet why don't we want that for ourselves?

Cut to a beginning scene in "Do You Believe?": Hospital Emergency Room
When a struggling homeless single mother and her only daughter are waiting to be seen in an emergency room and the man sitting next to them starts innocent conversation with the young girl, it's not long before the viewer of the film jumps on board. What is his intention?  How will a mother who is so obviously struggling in her own beliefs about how she got to where she is contend with this grow man approaching her young sick daughter?  Is it innocent?  Does she trust him?  What will the outcome be? 

We have become a cynical world.  We don't trust.  I see it all the time everywhere I go.  Where is our strength?  Why do we live for validation from others?  Where do our belief systems and values come from? 

The film "Do you Believe?" takes you to 12 unique stories and how these people and their unique lives ultimately come together.  It is amazing people.  In our own lives, their stories are unfolding all around us but what are we doing about it?

Cut to My Miracle: I was unsure I would ever become a parent.  I lost two babies.  Horrible.  In 2009 when my twin daughters were born on my fathers birthday just before the stroke of midnight, I knew it was GOD.  Everything that happened that night was through prayers and through faith and love.  I felt blessings at my ripe age of 36.  Peace. All the events and people leading up to that night were no mistake.  No laughing matter.  I was losing blood rapidly.  I thank GOD for the doctors and my family and friends who prayed for me.  I stayed the course.  The girls are healthy and happy and almost six years old! 

I know this is a long blog but I want to thank these people specifically for inspiring a fire of faith in me:  Stephanie Styger-Smith and Stacie Lanier Cratty at Towson University.  To Dina Hutchinson Clark at Kent Island United Methodist Church for being my shepherd. 

I'd like to pay my respects and thank them for much needed prayers during a "finding myself phase" as they are up in heaven now; to Jackie and Keith Davis of Kent Island for their grounded faith and for the fervent prayers.  I miss you two and know you are watching over us all. 

To Weems Creek Baptist Church of Annapolis. The spirit is there.  How awesome to walk into a church and feel joy.  Let it be! 

Lastly to my immensely strong man of faith All-Star Husband Patrick who never gave up on me and believed in me from the very beginning.  Patrick not only had the courage to tell me I was daring to go down the wrong road, he stood up for his beliefs and challenged me in mine, reminding me of who I was and who I wanted to be.  I will never look back and I'm grateful for his strength and perseverance during a most difficult time in our lives.  Our marriage is solidly growing in faith and I'm glad we are becoming witnesses for Christ's love. 

What Do You Believe?  Are you on cruise control in your own life?  Are you bitter?  I'm praying for you and that perfect peace that keeps you smiling sincerely.  It's takes some courage but trust me it's worth it. 

Adding pops of "Red' Infuse a Home with Happy

Pops of Red infuse a room with Happy!  (Pinterest)

I never loved red but now fresh and back on the scene is the color red.  Previously loved it. Decorated my home with red iron roosters, table linens, wall art and then I went to neutrals. Put all the delicious red items in the basement.  Bye bye red.

Cut to current.  I love red now.  It's back.  Red lipstick. Love.  That's what it is.  It brings color to a space in small doses for me.  I found the bench below in my hometown of Annapolis.  I had been dreaming of a foyer bench with some grit.  I didn't want Pottery Barn.  Too predictable.  I wanted something that spoke to me in shades of red.  I called the store I mentioned and asked them if they had any benches (this was after I visualized it being there!) and they said, "yes come on over we have one outside waiting for you." 

Incredulous, I decided to ride over straight off while my precocious little girls were at preschool.  I saw the bench in question, called my husband and asked him what he thought and then I happily bought it.  The bench somewhat reminded me of one in my elementary school nurses office.  Although dated with a few scruff marks in fair blue, the bench was sold and in my care.  I promised to take care of it and keep it in our family's home wherever we end up.

The bench that reminds me of Edgewater Elementary School

It brings life to my foyer.  It's wear the kids baskets of shoes and sun essentials are stored for now.  I love this space.  The bench might scream "I need a blanket!" for the Fall but for now we're comfortable.  I love it and recently I went out on a limb (remember I'm a neutral girl) and bought a red colored candle in juicy mango.  Oh what an adventurer I am!!!! 

Happy Friday Friends.  Do one thing Everyday that Makes YOU happy. 

Fried Tofu in Olive Oil and Brewer's Crumbs-Delicious!

I normally don't take photos of food.  I'm not a pro photographer but I love when something comes out great and when I make this recipe in the house, people in my family come running.  I apologize in advance for the non-professional photo but I thought you'd love this recipe and without a photo it really isn't as much fun and did I mention how much energy this little dish offers, we'll you won't stop at just eating one slice!

I'm also grateful to a friend named Aaron of Bowie from the Maryland Rebirthing Academy for lending me this recipe.  The fried tofu deliciously complimented fresh bread from the Springmill Bread Company out of Bethesda, Maryland.  Local honey and fresh butter left out at room temperature completes the breakfast.

Fried Tofu with Brewer's Crumbs
1 container of Extra Firm Tofu
1 Bottle of Bragg's Liquid Aminos
1 TBS of Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Cup of Brewster's Yeast Bread Crumbs

Pour some of your favorite olive oil in your favorite saute pan and gradually hit up the stove.  Next, I drain the tofu's liquid and then wipe the tofu down with a paper towel.  I then slice the tofu, marinate each slice in one large bowl and next dredge the tofu slice in the Brewer's Crumbs.  It side should be thoroughly coated.  Sometimes I even add some ground flax seed into the crumb mix just for the extra fiber and omega 6's.  (Bob's Redmill Natural Foods)

Fry a couple of minutes on each side. This week my husband and I served our tofu dish with fresh tomatoes from our garden and fresh mozzarella from our favorite local grocer, Graul's Local Food Market, Annapolis, Maryland.  Graul's is famous for it's cole slaw and fried chicken but it's much more than that, it's where the locals shop for that small town feel!  We love Graul's!  Enjoy the fried tofu and let me know what you think!

www.graulsmarket.com

Building our Dream Home

Lately my husband and I have been looking for land to build the dream home.  Have you done this?  This is a silly task I think.....

You ride around looking in neighborhoods you like and you walk the lots.  You picture your home, you picture the backyard, the pool, the memories. Wait.  Stop, I do this.  He looks at the price, how big or small the lot is.  Does it slope downward?  What are the schools like and so forth.  Me, I dream of the house................

Thus we have found ourselves debating.  I like to tell him about our future Christmas gatherings and summers by the pool.  He is over me talking about this and all my other future plans.  Don't get me wrong I have a great husband and I like to tell everyone about him but he and I both have different ideas of a dream home.  I think he'll go with my dream plan but on a much smaller scale!

Step One: find your special home state. We love Virginia. Leesburg and Charlottesville are unique possibilities. Find activities your family will love there and more importantly find out if you can move there!  Your job, his. Work from home.....

Step Two: do you have plans in mind? A floor plan you love?  I do. Anything that reminds me of the Hamptons and cedar shake siding-lots of windows bringing in natural light. Porches-lots of porches too. Front, back. Everywhere. Flowers everywhere.

Step Three: Build. If you have a builder you love, an architect that speaks to you, use them. Utilize Pinterest, print photos of floor plans and photos of kitchens you love. The builder you use will love your input and if he's the right builder he'll grab inspiration from your passion!!

Step Four: stay involved. An active homeowner keeps abreast of any and all changes and additions/subtractions. I've actively worked with a custom home builder and one thing I've learned is it's your home.....make it forever personal. Built in bookshelves, exposed timbers, Italian marble. Love every nook and cranny of the building process.

Happy Sweet Life.  Back to the pool and enjoying summer with my kids.  Don't forget SPF 100 (they do make it!!!!).  Next blog a yummy recipe for keeping sun drenched hair happy and growing!

Paris on a Birthday Budget!

At the Hilton Paris Charles De Gaulle Airport

This is not a long list of who's and what not's but it is a brief list of where I went on my 40th birthday in July of 2013.  I cannot tell you how amazing Paris was or is, you'll just have to see for yourself.  Just go!  You won't regret it.  But leave the kids at home.  Fly coach.  For my birthday and I am charming, I did receive champagne.  It was lovely and a hot towel.  The French know how to have a celebration.  I loved it.  Did I already say that?

My Favorites,

The Hilton Charles De Gaulle Airport
In July yes it will cost more but if you have the Hilton Honors Plan, just know this those points matter in Europe.  When we arrived a half day early before check in, we slept in the managers lounge and they upgraded us to a Penthouse Suite!  (my husband always asks for an upgrade if they have one!)

Did I mention this hotel is situated at the entrance of the train station which can take you to most tourists attractions in Paris.  It is and with my husband, my brother and sister in law, we put our minds together and figured out the train and how to get around.  The conceriege at the hotel was most helpful and because this wasn't a super busy hotel, we had his full attention!

http://www3.hilton.com/en/hotels/france/hilton-paris-charles-de-gaulle-airport-CDGHITW/index.html?WT.mc_id=zELWAPN0EU1WW2PSH3Search4DGGeneric&WT.srch=1&utm_source=Bing&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=paidsearch

Les Vedettes du Pont-Neuf
This tour I booked in advance for the 2nd day of our trip.  We had no idea how to get around for the most part so getting up early was essential.  Booking in advance saved me some $$'s and I was happy to book all four of us.  We decided we would share in our costs so opting for paying for this tour was a delight!  The tour was breathtaking.  I loved every minute of it and sharing it with my brother Jay and sister in law Debbie was a bonus.  It was romantic for all of us I'm sure and a memorable trip for my 40th.  By the way I did the day cruise because I didn't want to miss one landmark but I hear the night cruise is also a better way to see the sights along the Seine River.  Happiness.  The weather also cooperated thank goodness.

http://vedettesdupontneuf.com/home/

Here is my play by play on favorite yummies (on a budget of course!)

Firmine, 38 Avenue de Suffren 75015
We ordered the steak and frites and it was all we needed and we split a bottle of white wine (it can be done!)  We loved the ice bags they use to keep the wine cold!  Fun atmosphere!
 

 

Café Blanc
10 rue Croix des Petits Champs-75001
The owner of this place had all the charisma of a super hero!  He was so happy to have us in his restaurant.  Gladly, we all hurried up and ordered after a long day of hiking through the city.  My husband ordered the Texas burger and all other comments about the quality and taste of food ordered were perfection.  Great value, great service.  Visit this eclectic joint!  Well worth it!

The chicken salad with apples and walnuts.  Yum!

La Creperie Saint Honore
24 rue du Pont Neuf
Here we all split a bread and cheeses plate right off the du Pont Neuf cruise.  It was a perfect compliment to a mid afternoon amid sight seeing!  Wine served room temperature, not my favorite though, otherwise a perfect spot for people watching!

Le Grand Colbert
2 rue Vivienne, 75002
Although not inexpensive, this restaurant was bliss.  I heard about it from the film "Something's Gotta Give" starring Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson.  She made the roasted chicken sound like "melt in your mouth" perfection so of course that was my menu choice.  It had all the characteristics of what a French restaurant should like and sound like.  Waiters speaking in French and dressed in top form, crisp table linens, dim lighting.  Perfection.  Our table guests started out quiet but after wine and delicious food, we were hard pressed to leave!  The roasted chicken would be fare for two but since it was my 40th birthday, I savored it all for myself!  I apologize to my sister in law Debbie for not going hog wild for the sauteed frog legs.  Our next trip to Paris Debbie..............

Crème Brulee at Le Grand Colbert

 

Lastly, Hotel Plaza Athenee
25 Avenue Montaigne 75008
Here we only decided to try desserts as an afternoon delight and it was!  Although I did not partake in dessert, the standard olives and almonds would suffice.  The hotel is famous for it's views of the Eiffel Tower.  It's floral decadence is evident everywhere!!!  For someone who lusts after flowers, I was definitely in my happy place here!

 

Husband's Dessert-pretty right?

 

There is so much more to report on Paris and if I could I would take all day and this entire blog to do so.  As parents and spouses, you need to get away every once in a while.  It certainly doesn't have to be Paris, it can be somewhere close, a day trip to Virginia wine country for example.  It's hard to get away I know sometimes it is.  We Skyped our daughters which I'm not sure made it easier or just harder to be away from them.  Either way it went by in a Paris time frame (slower than US casual dining) and before we knew it, we were back in the arms of our girls and it was fantastic!

Happiness
 

By the way if your going to Paris anytime soon and you crave weight loss and a thinner figure, please wait.  The culinary delights are too enticing even for someone like me who suffers from tummy troubles!!   Au revoir!

Nanny Gwen's Pineapple Pie

Nanny, Skyline Drive, Virginia

My birthday is on the rise and for it, my Nanny, my Mom's mom, would make what I still call a decadent summer dessert.  Actually it wasn't just reserved for summer it was all year long or for another son or daughter's birthday or graduation, all the grandchildren got a taste of the pineapple pie.  It was hard to wait for this dessert to come out of the fridge. We just knew it would make happy faces and delightful tummies.  It was made with love.

It was also a perfect dessert in my book; it allowed for hot summer days and in the winter it reminded us of Hawaii where Aunt Joan use to live; where pineapples were just a hop, skip, and a jump away at the Dole Factory.  Nanny did this recipe well and I'm proud to introduce it to my girls and hope one day they pass it onto their children.

My Nanny Gwen will always be missed for her objective humor, quick wit, and to all the children she nannied', she was the beach!  She passed away in 1997 and suffered to Alzheimer's.  One of my babies is named for her.

Nanny Gwen's Pineapple Pie

1 can sweetened condensed milk
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 can of chunk pineapple
1/4 cup pineapple juice
2  Ready Made Graham Cracker pie crusts

Mix these ingredients slowly
Add 1 16oz container of Cool Whip
Add to 2 Ready Made Pie Crusts
Refrigerate for 2 hours, slice and enjoy with family and friends.  It makes two pies.

Video of recipe to come.  This should prove hilarious.

Have to Share, Bette Midler's Happy Marriage Advice

I wanted to share this because when I saw the write up in People Magazine, I was blown away.  I loved her candor and that a heading was "Being a Mom is my Favorite Role".  We'll how wonderful and her only daughter's name is Sophie.

I have to work hard at being married, we'll at least I think I do so Bette's marriage words were like butter for my soul.  I got it.  I've looked at self help love and relationship books over the years, attended love and marriage seminars in Florida with my husband, and even asked my in laws how they've stayed married for 50 years!  The answers were empathy, finding your Imago! and "that's just what you do!"  My amazing mother in law Sharon keeps it simple and I'll leave it at that.  She is committed through and through.  It's respectable, honest.

My grandparents were old school.  My paternal grandmother was smitten at age 16, married three months later to John Nevin, Senior; they married and stayed married for 56 years until his death of Parkinson's. We miss him and his sweetness.  Here's Bette's brilliant guidance.........

A good marriage isn't for Divas
"The real secret is giving each other a lot of room and not being in each other's faces all the time. And listening.  Listening is very hard.  And compromise. Compromise is the hardest of all.  But sometimes you have to say, It's not worth it.  The fight is not worth it.  You have your way, and maybe next Thursday I'll have mine. And you have to keep supporting each other, and I think that's hard too. Time passes in a flash, and as they say, it's not a rehearsal.  It's best to pick your fights wisely and just meditate. Stay calm. Don't go from zero to 60 in two seconds. Don't diminish each other. Don't try to make each other wrong all the time. The blaming is the worst part.  Honestly, you have to learn not to do that."

By the way, my mother in law's favorite film is Beaches with the talented and beautiful Bette Midler.  Rock it Bette.  Your awesome.

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Facing Age and Growing Old Gracefully-is that Poss...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Facing Age and Growing Old Gracefully-is that Poss...: Appreciating what you've become.  With Soph I think it would be unfair to say that most celebrities or any woman out there in the pu...

Facing Age and Growing Old Gracefully-is that Possible?!

Appreciating what you've become.  With Soph

I think it would be unfair to say that most celebrities or any woman out there in the public eye look amazing when they wake up (if you do, congratulations!).  Or let's take it one step further, how many of us wake up in the morning and say Wow, what happened?  Where did the years go?  How did I get so much sun damage?  Why didn't I wear more sunscreen?  Or maybe just maybe I should of listened to my mother when she said, never get a tattoo! 

Life is about learning and experiencing things on your own timetable, sometimes we shouldn't, sometimes we should. You know what I'm talking about.  My husband's been at work in Philly, you know where his job is and the affairs of recent have made it all the more hard to be away from him...........

That's where this photo comes in.  My daughter who is all about rising and shining grabbed my IPhone which she does ever so gracefully and we snapped this selfie for my husband, her Daddy.  We love him so much and we've really missed him more than we can confess!  Ten years ago I would of never even thought of doing this...........not just because it wasn't available but because I was so self focused and truly unaware of how the decisions we make today affect the ones in the future.  It was all about me.

I still sunbath but I do it with SPF 70.  Does that make sense?  I love the sun.  I always have.  Mom and I use to sweat it out in Hawaii with Aunt Joan and layer upon layer of suntan oil, we would laugh into the late hours, cocktails and all.  Now I'm attending appointments to get colonoscopy's, mammograms and get those pesky moles checked out for melanomas.  Fun huh?  I just laugh once I check in and that's where all those lines come from on my face.  My daughter Audrey recently pointed to my forehead and asked me "Mom do those hurt?"  By those, I think she meant, those lines, those wrinkles. We were rocking in our rocking chairs on the front porch of our farmhouse.  I looked at my husband, he smiled and I said they use to.  :)

Going back to before motherhood, I would cover up those pimples, wear the latest fads, and don the coolest shades.  This annoyed Mom and Joan I think.  Today it just doesn't seem to matter.  This week admittedly I did attend an appointment to get my spider veins sucked out of my legs.  This one I won't let go.  Fun.

If I do nothing at all, I will continue to over moisturize, take long walks with my dog Belle, and love my family with all my heart.  It may not always be right but I will give it my best because what other choice do we have?  Everything else just hurts so let it be and own your SELFIE lady!!!! 

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Scar Tissue in the Uterus-A Woman's Quest for Baby...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Scar Tissue in the Uterus-A Woman's Quest for Baby...: Before I left for Florida for the Comcast President's Club trip, I had one of the last exams of my uterus.  They were re checking the li...

Scar Tissue in the Uterus-A Woman's Quest for Baby! What you might not know.

Before I left for Florida for the Comcast President's Club trip, I had one of the last exams of my uterus.  They were re checking the lining.  Two weeks prior they found something.  They weren't sure.  It could be scar tissue from the c section.  They weren't sure.  They wanted me to wait for my period and schedule my next HSG; that's the X ray test that examines the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the surrounding area. 

I wasn't thrilled but the new doctor at Shady Grove reassured me that it could be just build up from my lining and that my body will shed it.  Okay.  I bet that's what it is. 

I waited two weeks.  The uterine lining check appointment.  I was brought in by my previous fertility doctor (into the big office, uh-oh this is not good news), the one I trusted and saw for two years before the birth of my daughters, and told that I had such severe scar tissue that it would be dangerous to carry a child.  He drew some diagram of what it looked like.  He tried to show me and my husband what it looked like on 3 D sonogram images.  I was dumbfounded.

He said he rarely sees scar tissue of that magnitude in his office.  He described it like a ditch. He asked me if I had had an emergency c section.  Yep I did.  Twins.  Couldn't get one baby out.  Healing took forever.  The scar hurts sometimes.  Wow.  Are you kidding?  I have one day 6 blastocyst left.  I would love a son. A boy. Oh gosh. What now?

I consulted my OB, a lovely human being.  She delivered my daughters.  She has said in her practice she has only seen rare cases of scar tissue that would prohibit another c section.  A vaginal birth could cause hemorrhaging and possible dramatic consequences.  The baby and mother.  Can't talk about it.  I'm trying to not overthink all of this.

I want to say something to the Mom's out there.  You are simply amazing for all that you do-whether you've given birth, adopted or both or fostered or all three, you have strength beyond what you think is possible.  Congratulations on being the FANTASTIC YOU THAT YOU ARE. 

Thank you also to my doctors who know how much I care about family.  I go in near the end of the month for an HSG.  If the fluid leaks out, it's a NO.  If it stays in, we could be in good shape.  They say FDA rules will not allow me to have a surrogate carry our embryo.  I'm looking into that.

Whatever the outcome, I'm grateful for my girls and love spending time with them, whenever I can! 

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Being Colorblind, a Beautiful Gift

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Being Colorblind, a Beautiful Gift: Happy in Paris-a stranger and new friend from Haiti  When I think about race relations and where we stand today, the only thing I ...

Being Colorblind, a Beautiful Gift

Happy in Paris-a stranger and new friend from Haiti



When I think about race relations and where we stand today, the only thing I can conclude is what happened so very long ago.  I go back in history and then I get it.  It's tough I know.  How can any one of us evolve if we don't leave the past behind us?  I can understand those feelings too.  I'm going through a tough situation with a family member right now and can't tell you how difficult it is even in your own home, when people just don't get along or can make peace, never mind the pain and hurt of a history gone bad.

Bad decisions, bad choices affect us all.  It is our kindness that will be remembered; our heroic choices that set and keep us free. 

If my stories of how People of Color saved my life affect you, please share your positive stories with me.  It's a blessing when we share insightful and positive news.


Cynthia, Edgewater Elementary, Edgewater, Maryland
In 1984, long ago, I was at the start of running wild for what is undoubtedly a great time on the playground, remember it?  The innocence. It's called recess.  A young African American girl, my classmate, Cynthia (I wish I remembered her last name because I would love to know what she is doing with her life now)..................rushed to my side.

Cynthia saw that I had been badly hurt.  I ran onto that playground and ran smack into another youngster.  My nose was badly broken to one side of my face and the other youngster, the other elementary school goer, we'll he walked away with a cracked head and several stitches.

Cynthia, had worn a white eyelet cardigan set and her hair was in pigtail braids and she had the whitest teeth and the darkest smoothest skin.  She was an angel. That beautiful sunny day she scooped me up into her arms, when no one else would or did and carried me to the nurse's office.  There I laid with her on that dark red squishy bench in the nurses office until my mother was called. Cynthia stayed with me and held my hand until Mom arrived. Her hands were smooth.

That was it for me.  I was forever in her graces.  It didn't matter what color I was.  I was in need and she could and did help me.  Her beautiful eyelet white cardigan awash in my blood; no matter. She did what came so beautifully natural to her; helping another student in need. She was and still is my HERO.  I'm so grateful she had the courage that day to do what she did.

Dr. Buckson, Annapolis, Maryland
In 2007 I underwent in vitro fertilization to start the process of having children.  For reasons I won't discuss here right now, I proceeded further, got pregnant straight off (blessed) and organized my first obstetrics appointment for a sonogram.  I was excited and very nervous and rightfully so, the doctor proceeded to show the baby's arms, legs and then NO HEARTBEAT.  He wasn't the most sensitive when he shared the news.  It was awful. My fist miscarriage and heartache.  I found another doctor and thank GOD I did because she found the silent reason I was miscarrying and saved more than myself, she saved my daughters too.

Delivery Smiles, Hope and Saving Lives

In November 2009 my girls were ready to bless the world.  In the delivery room with an unexpected  C-section, I began to hemorrhage and unbeknownst to me but keenly aware was my husband of how rapidly I was loosing blood and so of course was Dr. Buckson. She quickly assessed the situation, got the babies out and got me much needed blood.  Some of our everyday heroes go without mention, but today and always I will forever be in Dr. Buckson's graces.  She gave me the ultimate gift of life: my twin daughters and my life back and for that I am truly grateful. 

Dr. Buckson, a beautiful woman did not and does not see me as different or white or black or purple but as a human being, a mother, a wife, a person who needed her help.  This is how I see her:  She is strong. She is my hero. She is a woman warrior.

Brian Ferguson, Severna Park, Maryland
One beautiful sunny day in September of 2000 after a delicious meal at our favorite local diner, I was in route to take my dear friend Brian home. An avid personal trainer and friend to many in the area, Brian has been more than a hero to many in need.  That afternoon I wasn't prepared for what was about to happen. A semi tractor trailer rapidly derailed my car on Rt. 2 near Baltimore and Brian, my passenger, took control of my little Honda Civic and spun my car off of the front end of this massive truck.

After we landed safely in the middle of a grassy median section, Brian with a smile he has become known for, asked me if I was okay.  I was incredulous, albeit shocked that neither one of us came out of that accident with more than a scratch.  I was admitted to the hospital in gratitude for my special friend and another beautiful person of color who came to my rescue................Brian. This is how I see him. Strong.  Wise. A Hero who wants no credit. Peaceful.

A Smiling Hero

I would never say I'm lucky in life.  I'm blessed.  Those days where I was saved I count my blessings and think of life in the simplest of terms.  We are only supposed to live with our whole hearts; not with bitterness or regret, anger or tears but to go out and make something out of our lives, despite some of the most harrowing circumstances.

My Father's closest friends were beautiful people of color and that's how I was fortunate enough to be raised.  To see the world through open lenses.  The weeks in Baltimore 2015 will be forever cemented in Charm City's history but I hope this one critical principal stays with the people of the world and this sounds cliche but living in peace and love is the only answer.  Reminding ourselves of the smallest blessings and moving forward with grace.  I plan on taking my girls to say hello to Brian again and visit Dr. Buckson often in her Annapolis office.  Cynthia wherever you are, thank you!!! 

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Going back to Modeling and Day 26 in FET-older wom...

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Going back to Modeling and Day 26 in FET-older wom...:   Last week was a blast working with little Ava, my model daughter for the day.  After several years as a Mom I was back to work on set...

Going back to Modeling and Day 26 in FET-older women in Pregnancy

 

Last week was a blast working with little Ava, my model daughter for the day.  After several years as a Mom I was back to work on set.  This often happens when I'm in the throws of trying to have a baby or when I'm pregnant.  If video works below, this is Lucy O'Brien and I on set at my previous home in Annapolis when featured on HGTV's Major Move (early pregnant with the girls here).

 

WORK
Let me rewind and tell you how things started before I even got to this new job-anxiety.  I was told by my agent that I "booked" the job so naturally I was excited and nervous.....until they asked for a selfie.  I've been on tape several times in my life and selfies or the camera center on me is not complimentary.  I often look quite unlike myself and wish for a softer angle.  When the selfie was born they weren't thinking of me and that's okay because now I'm pushing 42 and I'm getting more and more aware that this is the body and face I've got and it's not that bad.  Nevertheless I sent my agent the best selfie I had and I was notified I was booked once again. 

In high school I wanted to work and be in magazines but that was another story.  I looked like an animal, a koala bear with braces if you will!  Finally with the braces off, no difference.  I hadn't grown up.  Time for having a family and working in the business would have to wait.  Cut to 2015: after arriving in Lancaster for the shoot, my anxieties would be put to rest when the producer on the job liked my clothes, liked the make up and hair job I did and was satisfied with my work on set.  It didn't hurt that I got to work with little Ava and she was the same age as my daughters!  Easy, I got this.  I'll ask her all about the stuff five year olds love.  Princesses, Mile from Tomorrow, and yummy foods!  Done, the shoot was a success!!  I drove home smiling.

STARTING LATE
I cannot believe it's been 24 years since high school-really could that be?  I'm going to be 42 and I'm trying to have a baby and I'm thrilled. Yes that's true. For the women out there who met their partners late in life, I too salute you and your quest to complete your family. Recently, during my mock embryo transfer, I was explaining to the doctor on call that it may not be fair of me to ask for another child; to want for another after being blessed with twin girls is to ask for another winning lottery ticket.

She calmed my fears by telling me that if it's what I want to complete our family and bring more joy into our household then so be it.  It's my choice.

THE PROTOCOL FOR PREPARING TO TRASFER AN EMBRYO
11 days of a intra muscular shot called LUPRON (this tells the ovaries to be quiet) :)
14 more days of intra muscular shots of DEL ESTROGEN and PROGESTERON IN OIL
Multiple monitoring dates for blood work and ultrasound
Two mock embryo transfers; one to review possible scar tissue from first mock
May 8th Transfer date of embryo

In between there is acupuncture for fertility, lots of healthy eating (this isn't working out so well), wheat germ, spinach, walnuts, lots of warm foods, raspberry leaf tea (yoga for the uterus), grape seed extract, fish oils, and nice long walks to keep me calm.  We're hoping for another healthy miracle!

For more information on Frozen Embryo Transfers at Shady Grove Fertility, please go to www.shadygrovefertility.com

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Colorful Plants for Shady Garden Spots

The Sweetly Decorated Life: Colorful Plants for Shady Garden Spots: Brunnera Courtesy of "Inspirations" magazine published and created by Homestead Gardens; I thought it pertinent to bring to...

Colorful Plants for Shady Garden Spots

Brunnera

Courtesy of "Inspirations" magazine published and created by Homestead Gardens; I thought it pertinent to bring to life the plants that enliven our souls, freshen a dark space, and bring life to our community.

Before I had the chance to read about these types of plants, I was quite sure I was going to go with Forsythia or Skip Laurels for the shaded area of my lawn-bordering the property of a vacated lot but hence, things are subject to change in Stephanie Land.  (my family and husband's terminology)  Smile here.

Here are some of my favorites and go figure for this year they all bring color to the garden!

Kalmia

Hydrangeas

Pulmonaria

If you like Perennials with Colorful Leaves, here are my favorites.  I go for the wildflower-cottage look so having ground cover mixes it up a bit.  This year I'll buy Lamium to start and maybe if I'm feeling bold Heucherella, which in the vein of this leaf protrudes a strong rich color.  Lamium is also good because of the purple blooms.  I love green foliage but for me there must be some kind of color.  I love the color purple.

Lamium

Heucherella

I love the variation of this plant here.  It exudes confidence to me and I believe it hardy because my neighbor has her hostas in partial shade and sun and they come back strong year after year.  I love gardening I'd say just as she does.  Here I am in Paris.  I posed here because I thought the scale of the gardens in proportion to the Ferris Wheel was interesting.  The time of my life. To be present in the gardens of Paris and smell the blooms was intoxicating.  

Enjoy gardening whatever you plant.  As always pick well-drained soil and fertilize with as much stuff as you can salvage from your kids fruits and veggies.  I use those scraps, banana peels and coffee grinds to supplement locally grown compost from Maryland, my home state.  

For more information on the amazing gardens at Homestead, please visit homesteadgardens.com or attend their Spring Flower Show for Celebrate Maryland, March 14th-22nd!

There Davidsonville location is worth taking the kids to!  You might see a neat exotic animal or two nearby!

Planning for IVF again-Step 1

Honestly I didn't think I would be in this position.  41 and trying to have another baby but I believe lots of women today are in this position.  They've had their careers, traveled, and scapbooked their trips to Europe. Me, I've done all those things gratefully never thinking it's time to have kids.  Your getting older.  Watch the clock.  I just didn't do that.  I lived my life.  I don't even think I thought about a baby actually which to me now is kinda scary!

So here I am, I am married with two teen children (my stepchildren but I call them mine!), twins that are five about to enter kindergarten and our senior cute puppy dog Belle.  I love my life most times.  It's busy, and fun, and creative but something in me just isn't settled about trying again for Baby#3.

When they retrieved my eggs and my husband's participation (can't say that), they ended up having three strong embryos.  When I say strong I mean, they grade them, A, B, or C's.  I was told mine were strong A-B's.  Okay great let's put three in.  They told me, I wouldn't recommend that.  You could miscarry one, two or all three and be back to the beginning.  We'll we didn't want that.  They put in two and the rest is history. They froze the other and told me we would get billed every year for the storage of such embryo.  That blessed embryo has been stored and cyrofrozen in Rockville, Md for almost six years!

For the last two years the idea of having a son really appealed to me.  When I was pregnant with twins, I definitely wanted healthy girls.  Two little girls.  It's what I prayed for.  It's what I held far into my highest reaching consciousness and it happened.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude and still am.  When I look at my daughters I am swept away with gratitude.

I know I shouldn't ask for one more of anything but that big happy loving patient part of me wants to do it all over again and succeed.  Here's the plan:

1) We meet with my fertility doctor tomorrow to discuss the impact of this choice.  My age, the age of the embryo, the girls and moving forward with medical appointments.
2) On Day 3 - 5 of my cycle I go into the fertility center (luckily I live close by) to have my blood tested; checking hormone levels.
3) On Day 28 I start my pill pack of light hormones. Birth control pills.  Odd isn't it?  It builds up the lining of the uterus.
4) After completing the pill pack, on Day 1 of the next month, I start hormone shots and progesterone related hormones.  I believe it's for 15 days.
5) Schedule Embryo Transfer.

I'm excited as one can imagine but also very nervous.  I'm actually looking forward to the process, to seeing my doctor and the group of fertility specialists I worked with.  It felt like family there.  The hardest part is waiting.  I'm sure many women find that the longer you wait for something, the more intense the feeling of having that something is.  On with the show.  The countdown to Day 3 is on..............

Because we live next door to the U.S. Naval Academy I decided I'd love a nautical nursery.  Sounds cool right?  I love the sleigh crib which matches our bed in the master bedroom.  I hope and I pray as I go on this journey.  I have ten days to go to begin.

Creating your Magical Dream Board, a Stay-in-Day-kind-of-Project

Dad and Me. Finally-a dream come true!

Before the dream board, I had never had a good relationship with my father.  Many daughters suffer this same issue. We talked. We just weren't close.  He wasn't the father a young woman needed in high school or even growing up as a little girl.  I held onto negativity for years. Many years later, my daughters were born on his 59th birthday and a miracle began to unfold.

My then boyfriend, now husband and I started volunteering at the local shelter in town and this was my first experience starting a dream board.  I was to become a mentor for a shelter mother.  I found it ironic because I found myself stuck, unable to find HOPE. That day I drafted a dream board and connected with my mentee, a woman with three young children, jobless, homeless. Several years later my good friend Joy gave me a special book and the rest is history.

Right now if you live in the northeast part of the country, you may be stuck inside wondering what else can I do?  You might feel negative because your tired of the snow and cold weather.  Your chores are done. Laundry bins are empty.  The kitchen is clean. Closets cleaned out and organized. Groceries purchased for extended lengthy days in hibernation.  St. Patrick's Day decor out and on display. What else is there to do? START A DREAM BOARD. Get out all those old magazines piling up in your living room and put them to use!  You can do one of these with your kids and have fun dreaming!

Have you ever worked on a Dream Board?  Your probably asking me what exactly is a dream board? What do I do?  I came across a dream board several times in my walk (walk in life that is) and asked the same question.  I happen to be going through a trying time in my life when a good friend introduced me to a book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes; it was there in that book when I learned I could and needed to create my life story.

Mind blowing!

After I read this I couldn't believe I hadn't done a dream board?  How easy-I could do this I thought and I did.  Here we go. Find a bunch of magazines you subscribe to or coupon magazines that come in the mail. Set a timeline for your dream board and write the timeline on the top (be flexible).  Mine is a lifetime-from now until then.  Yours could be a ten year timeline.  Go back to school.  Start a yoga class.  Put money down on a beach house!  

What do you dream about?  What do you envision?  How much have you thought about this?  The time is now.

Cut magazine titles, pictures, and slogans and paste them onto your dream board using an acid free glue stick. I paste them onto the back of sturdy cardboard. The pictures don't have to be perfectly aligned, pictures side by side.  Put the cut outs wherever the spirit nudges you.  It's your dream board.  When I started my first dream board, I was amazed when looking at it a few years later, how many things occurred. Big things. The home I had dreamed about and visualized, came to fruition.  It was in New York and I was living in it.  The twins I had visualized came true.  I focused and prayed on these visual pictures beforehand-I got serious.  I got grateful for living and the rest was just positive thinking.

It took some work though.  For a dream board to manifest itself, You, the dreamer must do the work.  One important ideal that came from reading the book The Secret was "the power is in your thoughts, so stay aware."  Negative thoughts attract more negative thoughts and bring that experience to you and likewise positive attracts positive.  Everything is energy.  I became keenly aware and still am, how my thoughts attract what I receive.  I try to stay conscious of this always.

Today: I keep my dream board by my bed.  I see it when I go to bed and I see it when I wake up.  I look at it and smile.  It's a culmination of my thoughts and wants and feelings.  It says it all.  Note: there are no fancy cars on my dream board.  I have to change that.  I keep staring at those Range Rovers.  They're neat.  They remind me of being on a safari somewhere glorious.  A big thank you to my dear friend Joy and to my Dad for sliding into home plate.

Beating the Winter Blues...."Seriously!" Ten ways to get out there and feel Happy!

Blues, greens, yellows, it's time for Spring! (bhg.com)

Here are some of the fun and creative ways to beat the winter blues.  I've had them.  I've heard more snow is on the way and when I heard that I thought "Seriously."  That's our family's new saying, "Seriously."  I love it.  The twins are saying it now.

Okay I like snow but seriously enough already.  I usually like winter in stages......I like going to bed early, snuggling and sleeping in, playing in the snow and taking winter walks but I'm done, seriously.  I'm ready for Spring.  I'm ready for flowers to emerge.  I'm ready for my girls to be on the soccer field (we'll.....).  I'm really ready but until then this is what you can and might be able to do to get out of the dreaded winter blues and find some hope for now.

1) Go get your nails done!  I took my youngest daughter yesterday and the nail salon had the door open.  I know why but it didn't matter I felt Spring in the air!  My nails looked great too!  Just taking that extra time to sit under the dryer gave me to time to reflect and pause.  Nature is taking it's course.

2) Go tanning-I plan to do a spray tan but always be safe and exercise caution when tanning.  Having a bit of color reminds us that we are human and not actually a snowman/woman.

3) Go to to your local YMCA and swim.  It's warm inside the center and it reminds you of Summer. Swimming also releases endorphins just the same way running outside does.  It doesn't burn as many calories but you know your getting some form of exercise.  You'll walk out feeling great knowing you did something for you!

4) Walk the mall for exercise. I know it's hard when you may not have the funding to buy all those cute Spring clothes you'll love but eventually the sales will happen and you'll be back!  Seeing folks from all walks of life in the mall puts us back in touch with our true selves.  There are many people who grace our world!

5) Take something to a charity. From my husband's hotel stays, he's accumulated hundreds of sample soaps, lotions, and travel kits.  We pack them up and take them to the Lighthouse Shelter. When you do something good for someone else you feel enlivened and the benefit lasts long after for both parties.

6) Try a new hairstyle.  I know for winter you've had that hair back or in a ponytail all winter.  Maybe now it's time for something new.  I won't reveal it now but the "b" word is making a comeback!  Bangs people. Smile.

7) Try an indoor playground if you have kids.  I know it's for them but you'd be surprised how many playground showrooms allow adults to be kids all over again!  Your feet never have to hit the snow and for a small fee your kids get tired out running on all that green turf stuff!

8) Meet a friend out at your favorite lunchtime spot!  I see so many parents that bring their kids because that's truly their only option for meeting out.  If you can nab your husband working from home one day or a trusty relative that can watch your little one, get out there. My favorite spot for lunchtime happiness, Panera Bread!  The sandwiches and salads melt in your mouth and my Panera has a fireplace.  I love it there and it's a popular place so your bound to see lots of folks dining in happy!  Frontera Chicken sandwich-the Best!

9) Go Spring for your Kitchen!  Looking at some floral rugs for my kitchen always gets me pumped.  I love changing out rugs, pillows, and linens for Springs arrival.  Greens, blues, and a little yellow make me feel color-enlivened.  Go for i!  This living room says welcome.  I love the drapes and how they pull from the pillows.  It's light and airy in this room which boost the spirit.  The hydrangeas in the vase, a bonus!

Photo courtesy of Pinterest

10) Call or visit a relative in need.  Recently I ventured out to visit with my Great Aunt and Great Uncle in Virginia.  They've been married for 60 years.  They are the heart and soul of what "family" means to me.  My daughters have not stopped talking about their visit with them.  It made such an impression and cheered me on for days after.  

I know it's hard, the winter sometimes.  That lack of Vitamin D can push people right back into their houses but try, try, try to get out of the house and do something good for yourself. Beating the winter blues takes one first step and then your there.  Just walk in.  A friendly smile is just around the corner.